I’m a Boomer with no mortgage and good super. Why do I feel so guilty?

I’m a Boomer. I have a paid-off home and a good amount in superannuation. I know I’m privileged, and I’m grateful, but also embarrassed. Should I be? I don’t live an extravagant life, but I also don’t deny myself small enjoyments. I don’t have children, but I do help others financially. I have mixed feelings about my wealth. I like having it, but also try to pretend I don’t have it out of fear of others’ judgement.

This is a conversation I’ve had with several people – those who were born into above-average levels of wealth, who came into large amounts of wealth suddenly, or who have had more success than they’ve been able to fully accept.

Here’s the short answer: I don’t think there is much value in being embarrassed for having wealth. Let me explain why. I’ll start with a short personal story. Years ago, I wanted to hire some household help – but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Why couldn’t I do this thing I had every rational reason to do? I did the mindset work. I peeled back the layers – I went beyond the layers of “this feels like a waste of money” and “I could just do it myself” and eventually, I found guilt. Guilt that I could afford something my parents hadn’t been able to during my childhood.

I grew up watching my mum wake up early to get us fed and ready for school, pack our lunches, leave for work and then come home and start making dinner. My life wasn’t nearly as busy as hers – how could I allow myself to hire help?

Eventually, I saw the futility of it. There was no amount of me denying myself something in solidarity with her struggle that would make her life easier – then or now. In fact, all I was doing was choosing to not fully enjoy and live the gifts I’d been given. Wasn’t that a waste?

The other common response I see is defensiveness.

The only response that makes sense to any privilege is gratitude.

I don’t mean the “write three things you’re grateful for” lip-service kind of gratitude. I mean real heartfelt gratitude – the kind that humbles you; where you see the fullness of this immense gift you’ve been given that you cannot explain purely through your own hard work.

This changes how you relate to your privilege and how you choose to use it.

When you’re stuck in embarrassment, shame or guilt, you might find yourself denying or avoiding your privilege in some way because you cannot bring yourself to fully accept it. You might pretend you don’t have it. Or you might overcompensate – work extra hard, deny yourself the ability to use your privilege out of solidarity for those who don’t have it.

The other common response I see is defensiveness. Here, you might feel the need to defend or justify your position. “I worked hard to be here. I deserve this.” This often makes people cling tighter to what they have.

But when you can move past embarrassment and defensiveness and fully accept the privilege with gratitude, you no longer need to hide from your privilege or justify it. It becomes a gift you can allow yourself to fully receive and enjoy.

This doesn’t just benefit you, it benefits everyone. Why? Because then, you’re more likely to make full use of your privilege. Maybe you’ll launch a business, fund causes you care about, or spend on things you love (thereby supporting the businesses you choose to spend with).

Also, the chances are that you’ll feel more generous. Genuine gratitude is deeper than just “I’m so happy I have this”. There is an awareness that what you have is more than what your individual efforts could have produced alone; an appreciation for the mysterious and complex universal forces that have delivered these unique circumstances to you, specifically and individually.

This is the place from which giving feels good – not like an obligation or something you’re doing to offset the guilt of having more than others.

I know many look at those who are wealthy through a judgemental lens. But there’s no end to that rabbit hole. Should someone with a car live in guilt because millions can’t afford a car? Should someone deny themselves hot showers because millions don’t have hot water?

You can’t live fully if you are constantly constricted by the guilt of having something someone else doesn’t. So I tell my clients to go the other way.

Embrace your privilege. Accept it. Own it so fully that you are humbled with gratitude for the abundance you’ve been given in this lifetime. This is the portal to living and enjoying your life as fully and deeply as possible – and isn’t that what you came here for?

Paridhi Jain is a money and mindset coach who combines practical strategies with mindset transformation to help clients create more freedom and fulfilment in wealth, work and life. Find Paridhi at: skilledsmart.com.au

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