“You weren’t there.”
These words cut me to the core.
Many years ago I was a young father of four, trying to balance the demands of building my new business, serving in my church, and being a good husband and father.
I owned two retail electric bike dealerships: one near my home and the other was a 4 hour drive away. In order to keep both stores going I would drive to the second store each week and be there Monday through Thursday. I would drive home Thursday evening and be at the first store Friday and Saturday. On Sundays I would serve in my church all day and then head back to the second store Sunday evenings. I had been maintaining this schedule for about a year and a half.
One Sunday evening, before leaving for the second store, I was browsing through some photos of our family and came across a series of photos I didn’t recognize. I mentioned to my wife that I didn’t remember that event. She lovingly, but pointedly, said, “You weren’t there.”
Crystal Moments
Former Intuit CEO Brad Smith, while giving advice to a new employee, described two types of moments in our lives: Rubber Moments and Crystal Moments.
Rubber Moments are important moments in our kids’ lives that even if we miss them as parents we can still bounce back.
Crystal Moments are important moments in our kids’ lives that if we miss them they shatter. Or put in a different way, if we are there for our kids in these moments, we create beautiful, crystal memories that will last a lifetime.
That challenge is knowing which is which. This is tricky because what may seem to be a rubber moment for you can be a crystal moment for your child, and vice-a versa.
So, how do you know which ones are the crystal moments and how do you make sure to be present during those moments?
5 Habits for Crystal Moments
Here are 5 habits that will help you be present for the “crystal” moments of your children’s lives.
1. Plan
Making the time to plan is a family is critical for learning to identify the crystal moments. When you council together, hold regular family meetings, calendar together, schedule important events and follow through, you build a system that not only helps you keep your busy family schedule organized, you create opportunities to learn. As you plan together you will begin to learn what is important to each of your children. You will learn to hear them and they will know that they are important in your busy life.
2. Communicate
The second habit builds on the first and it is to learn to communicate with your children, to hear to them. We all know that we can say something and each of our children will hear it differently. This is because we all communicate in our own language—Gary Chapman refers to these as “love languages.”
The key to building strong channels of communication with your children is to seek to understand them more than trying to get them to understand you. Pay attention to how they show appreciation, affection, and concern toward you and others in your family because this is usually a clue to what they value and how you can “reach” them. Is it family fun? Service? Time together? Saying kind and uplifting words?
Learning to communicate effectively with your children will help you understand them better. You will learn to recognize which moments in their lives are the crystal moments.
3. Focus
As you plan and communicate better with your children, it is important that they know how important they are to you. When you are with them, be with them. Focus on them. Let them know that they really are the most important people in your life by making them your priority.
It usually isn’t possible for you to be with your children as much they would like, but giving them your full attention when you are with them will go a long way to building trust and understanding. Put down your phone. Turn off the electronics and turn on your family focus.
4. Be Flexible
Being present for your children is often not convenient. My teenage daughter loved to talk at night. After midnight she would come alive. My wife and I would usually be exhausted, but, she would come home, plop herself at the foot of our bed and just start talking and telling us about her day.
As inconvenient as this was for us, it was critical that we were there for her when she was ready to talk. We tried talking at other times, but they were never as good as the talks we had after midnight at the foot of our bed. That was when we needed to be present for our daughter. And yes, even though she is out of the home and in college, guess what time she calls and wants to talk… after midnight.
5. Keep your family Top-of-Mind
I’m a big believer in a parent’s intuition. Sometimes we just know. When we keep our children top-of-mind there will be times when we hear that little voice on our shoulder tell us that we need to be at a particular event or reach out to one of our children. We can keep our children top-of-mind by praying for them each day, setting reminders in our calendars for their special events, keeping photos of them on our desks, and so much more. And then, when you get that “prompting” to do something, say something, or be somewhere.. DO IT! Send a simple text. Call on the phone. Jump in the car and go.
When you take the time out of your busy schedule to be there for them, especially when they weren’t planning on it, you are showing your children that there truly is nothing more important in your life than them. When they know this they will trust you, talk with you, and open up to you.
Conclusion
These 5 Habits for Making “Crystal Moments” in your Children’s Lives require deliberate and intentional PRACTICE. The more you practice these five habits, the better you will become at recognizing the important moments and making sure you are there for your children when they need you the most.
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: superhealthykids.com
