Need a Splashy Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gift? Try This Dessert Box

Unless you’re a celebrity with a spare $8 million or personal access to Kenny G, pulling off a last-minute Valentine’s gift with wow factor takes some doing. Maybe your own valentine is fine with grocery-store flowers or a flower-themed Lego set via Amazon overnight delivery (which honestly isn’t a bad idea), but if you want something really ostentatious and over the top, your options as a civilian are limited. If your love is a lover of sweets, however, Boarderie’s brand-new XL Dessert Board might do the trick.

Layered with 47 different artisanal treats, from miniature cakes and truffles to macarons and maple smoked chili caramels, this gift is a nuclear bomb to the waistline, but most of the items on it last up to 30 days in the fridge, so the recipient will be reminded of your generosity all month long. Does it live up to the hype? I put on my fat pants in the name of journalism and requested one to try out.

I’ve tested and loved Boarderie’s elaborate charcuterie boards in the past (if your valentine is more of a cheese-and-crackers person, there are Valentine’s Day versions of those as well, plus an “I love you”–themed Baked Brie Board), but a 21-pound tray of nothing but desserts is a different beast. Supposedly it serves 10 to 12, which I think is accurate so long as you’re not making it an entire meal, but note that there are also smaller Medium (serves 5 to 7) and Classic (serves 4 to 5) sizes. Those may be less impressive but potentially more manageable—I can report that the Large arrives in a box the size of a 32-inch TV, with a plastic lid, bubble-wrap casing, and two large reusable ice packs, which in my box’s case were still frozen solid. (The delivery time between placing an order with the company’s Florida office and its arrival on my doorstep in Washington state took roughly 17 hours.)

Photograph: Kat Merck

Inside the box are seven shiny gold boxes with clear plastic lids set into a reusable wooden tray (ideal for charcuterie), along with a visual key card that explains the layout. As with Boarderie’s traditional offerings, the contents were all fresh and of notably high quality—the lavender chocolate-covered pretzels were perfectly crisp, and none of the cake bites, blondies, or brownies were dry. Aside from a slight smear on the “I Love You” wording on the marquee chocolate box, nothing arrived smashed, melted, or otherwise suspect. (The box also comes with a wooden mallet in an organza bag, to smash the box to reveal a “surprise.” I won’t spoil what’s inside.)

Photograph: Kat Merck

Everything was at least good, and many treats were downright spectacular—the toffee with rose petals, for instance, and the strawberry cheesecake bark with striations of “crust.” The 10 different-flavored macarons were all fresh, and I appreciated the breadth of truffle varieties, which included key lime, piña colada, and carrot spice, among the traditional chocolate. The sea salt caramel popcorn was not as crispy as if it were stored by itself, but it still had some crunch. That’s the only nit I have after trying at least one bite of all 47 items.

In all, this is a very well-curated board with high-end sourcing (the caramels, for instance, are from Portland, Oregon-based confectioner Wildwood) that I wouldn’t hesitate to send as a gift, especially given Boarderie’s reliable overnight shipping. (Though my box arrived within 24 hours, it’s still safest to order a day or two ahead if possible, to account for any unforeseen delays.) Just be sure to know your valentine’s diet status before sending it, and ensure they have plenty of friends or family to share it with.