Bear Grylls has been married to his wife Shara since 2000 and admits he prioritises his 26-year marriage above his adventurous TV career
He has broken his shoulder in Antarctica, drunk juice squeezed from elephant poo, eaten live fish in Alaska and slept inside the carcass of a camel, so it is little wonder Bear Grylls’ wife worries every time he goes to work.
But while telly’s most adventurous star says Shara trusts him not to take too many risks with his life, he admits he would quit TV if she asked him to. The couple, who have been married since 2000 and have three kids together, are rarely seen on the showbiz circuit, shunning the spotlight for a quiet life on their private island in Wales.
But Bear credits Shara’s unwavering support as the backbone of his career, and admits he would be nothing without her. He says: “I married somebody who I didn’t know how loyal, smart and kind she is when I married her, because you don’t really know when you’re 25. But 26 years later, I know that.
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“Marriage is 50% finding the right person and 50% being the right person. I do feel I got really lucky and she’s been amazing. I prioritise marriage first. There’s been many things over the years where, you know, I’ve wanted to do something or she’s wanted to, and one of us said, ‘No’. And I always honour that.
“If she said ‘enough’s enough’ in terms of my TV career, I’d honour that too because it’s no good being successful in life if it’s screwing up your home life.
“So I would quit TV if she asked me to.” On the outside looking in, Bear is a man who has got his life in order. He has had a very successful career spanning decades that has had him travel the globe and take on a raft of dangerous adventures. And his no-nonsense approach to life gives off the idea he is a tough guy who always knows how to cope.
But Bear, 51, says: “I spend most of my life deconstructing that image, to be honest. Reminding people that just because you’re good at one thing, doesn’t mean you’re good at everything. I have a niche set of skills that have been useful. But as my family say, ‘Most of the time, this is not relevant to life’.
“I love what I do, and it’s been a beautiful part of my life. But it doesn’t mean life is any easier or you’re not going to have struggles or battles. There’s been many moments I’ve nearly given up and had to dig deep to carry on. It’s knowing what your foundations are in life and where do you draw from. It’s no good just saying, ‘Never give up’, which I do say a lot.
“You need resources, where are you going to get the strength from? Your foundations, what you’re building your identity and your strength on, has got to be good. If it’s approval of man, fame, money or fear of failure, all of these are going to be shallow masters that aren’t going to give us any depth.
“We all find strength in different places in those dark storms. For me, my family and my Christian faith has been a real part of that. Just quiet, like a deep well of good stuff, rather than sand.
“I’ve also learned the tools that help me and rooted at the heart of that are relationships and the outdoors. These simple things that on their own seem quite small, but actually they’re everything.”
In fact, Bear believes going for a walk in the wild with your spouse is better than “expensive marriage therapy where it’s £250 to be shouted at”. And there can be few better places to reconnect than St Tud-wal’s Island West, the private slice of North Wales that he bought in 2001.
The couple have built their life there, enjoying being at one with nature. That philosophy is behind Bear’s latest TV show for BBC One, Wild Reckoning, which starts tomorrow. In the 16-part series, he takes two people on to their island home where he sets them a series of challenges to help them overcome issues in their relationship. Bear says: “I think this series was a reminder to all of us who worked on the show, prioritise the important things in your life.
“I am guilty of it, but I’m also quite intentional to try and stay on top of it as well. I know the power of the outdoors in my life. I know it not just in terms of my own wellbeing, but in terms of our relationship wellbeing.
“Time together outside is never wasted. In the sun or barefoot or fresh air or with the dogs. Little building blocks make big cathedrals.” And while helping the likes of estranged siblings Dawn and David to reconnect, it is the fractured relationships between children and their parents that hit Bear the hardest during filming. In one case, father and son Mario and Xavier came to North Wales hoping to fix things.
Mario, who suffered from alcoholism in the past, was terrified that his son was showing signs of following in his footsteps, whereas Xavier felt unsupported and misunderstood by his dad. Bear says of them: “They just had relational neglect, of which we’re all guilty.
“But I think the lesson for all of us is stay on top of it. And don’t let things become massive. It’s that emotional bank account. Your deposits have to outdo your withdrawals.”
Bear is a hands-on dad with his sons Jesse, Marmaduke, and Huckleberry and has been known to involve them in his adventures. He says: “I have really clear goals just to try my best within a sort of flawed human being that I am to be a good husband and a good dad.
“So if our boys pay me a compliment or write me a nice note, it’s the most treasured item in my life. I have my desk and my little bedside drawer. It’s not full of Emmys, it’s full of notes, full of the real stuff. If you ever ask me what I’m really proud of, they’re really grounded and it’s good to see. It’s actually the only thing that really matters in life.”
Bear Grylls – Wild Reckoning starts tomorrow at 2pm on BBC One.
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