In his Oscars tribute to slain director Rob Reiner Sunday, Billy Crystal referenced some of his old friend’s most iconic movies — from “Spinal Tap” to “The Princess Bride” to “A Few Good Men,” invoking the star and most famous line from that 1992 classic.
“And Jack Nicholson, who warned us: You can’t handle the truth — which is simply what we all want today.”
The line was meant, I presume, as a jab at the Trump administration.
For a group of people both devoted to make-believe yet, supposedly, hungry for truth, here’s one that Hollywood stubbornly refuses to admit to themselves.
Outside of Los Angeles’ Dolby Theatre, no one gives a rat’s behind about 75% of what goes on at the Oscars.
The normie audience at home wants to see glamorous A-listers in their red-carpet splendor. They want to laugh at a dazzling monologue. They want showbiz, baby.
Instead, the Oscars increasingly delivers navel-gazing slop thanks to a glut of behind-the-scenes awards. Do we really need to know who is tops at sound editing or visual effects or, the newest category watering down the show’s entertainment value, Best Achievement in Casting?
It took five actors — including Gwyneth Paltrow, who lost me when she used the empty words “lived experience” — to introduce the nominees. Also slowing things down: “Sinners” cinematographer Autumn Durald Arkapaw celebrated her win as the first female recipient by urging every woman in the room to stand up because she wouldn’t be there without them.
Yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio’s 27-year-old model girlfriend was totally integral.
Unlike the Grammys, which is a concert with skimpy outfits and only a few awards, the Oscars feels like a slog — like much of it should take place on a Tuesday afternoon in a hotel ballroom.
It’s why the Emmys have a separate creative arts award ceremony, so as to not bore their viewers to death.
That’s what host Conan O’Brien was for. After landing a few good lines about Timothée Chalamet and the feared AI takeover of Hollywood, his shtick went south.
Noting that no Brits were nominated in the best actor category, he quipped, “A British spokesperson said: ‘Yeah, but at least we arrest our pedophiles.’”
That might come as news to all the young girls who were victimized by grooming gangs there. And somewhere from hell, late BBC pedo Jimmy Savile — never arrested — was laughing maniacally.
During his monologue, it felt like O’Brien was on a Oscars justification tour for the show even being aired, noting that there were 31 countries across six continents represented among the nominees, “with people speaking different languages, working hard to make something of beauty. We pay tribute tonight, not just to film, but to the ideals of global artistry, collaboration, patience, resilience and that rarest of qualities today — optimism.”
Another pat on the back.
Despite the public’s very small appetite for Hollywood lectures, actors’s enthusiasm for delivering them have never been greater.
It must have been tough for Javier Bardem to choose just two pieces of virtue-signaling flair. On Sunday, he wore an old anti-war button and beamed like a child who got a sticker from the dentist for having no cavities.
Presenting the award for Best International Feature Film, Bardem smugly barked his favorite utterly meaningless phrase, “Free Palestine.” He forgot to add “from Hamas.”
But seriously: For all of the #IceOut accessories, not one word was spared for the brave Iranian women’s soccer team who, sadly, face a life-or-death decision of whether or not to return home to a brutal regime.
For me, the highlight of the night was “Hamnet” star Jessie Buckley accepting her Best Actress award. The new mom delivered a speech that was, as a friend rightfully said to me, “beautifully transgressive.” She praised motherhood — as something that has not impeded her dreams, but fulfilled them and made her professional success richer. She wanted to make 20,000 more babies with her husband.
“I would like to dedicate this to the beautiful chaos of a mother’s heart,” she said.
It was a stark contrast to Michelle Williams, who, at the 2020 Golden Globes, drew a direct line from her resume in film to abortion — saying she couldn’t have achieved what she did “without employing a woman’s right to choose.”
But the Oscars is not long for broadcast television. In 2029, it will be 101 years old and at home on Youtube — where we can, no doubt, all tune in to see who wins best craft services.
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