There’s a common assumption that learning how to have great sex is a young person’s game, that with age, sex fades into something boring, nonexistent, or just…not worth the effort.
Growing up, Karen Bigman fell for the propaganda. “But recently, I’ve done it in restaurant bathrooms,” says Bigman, a 62-year-old certified sex educator, before listing off other examples of her scandalous escapades. “I’ve spontaneously met up in hotel rooms when the kids were at home. We even pulled over next to a Duane Reade [convenience store], under the fluorescent lamp, to do it in the back seat of his car.”
To be clear, sex isn’t always this spontaneous for Bigman. But in both her own life and her work with clients, she insists sex in this stage of life isn’t just happening, it’s getting better. For some, it’s even kinkier—though it’s a reality you rarely hear about and probably don’t want to imagine your parents or grandparents doing.
The fear that your sex life dies with age doesn’t come from nowhere. Bodies change. Menopause (which typically starts in a person’s 40s or 50s) can bring on a slew of symptoms like vaginal dryness or painful sex. Hormonal shifts can lower libido across all sexes. Energy levels fluctuate—and acting out on desires that once felt automatic may now require more effort, communication and patience.
Still, none of this has to spell the end of a satisfying bedroom life or the drive to learn how to have great sex, according to both sex therapists and real people enjoying sex after 60. Here’s how they maintain the spark—and the small shifts they say make the biggest differences.
1. Treat lube as a staple, not a backup
Vaginal dryness is one of the most common physical changes that comes with ageing, and it’s why many people assume getting frisky in this stage will be uncomfortable or painful. However, there are plenty of expert-recommended products designed to help, and lube is one of the most effective and underrated. “Put it on before you start and have it at the ready during sex,” says Bigman, who also shares her advice on her Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 podcast. Lubricants work by reducing friction, which means less risk of irritation or tearing—and just as importantly, more room for pleasure. For best results, we also recommend applying it not just to the penetrating object (like a penis or vibrator) and what’s being penetrated (your vagina), but also during foreplay—for example, consider sliding between labial folds too.
2. Ask for what you want, point-blank
In some situations, the issue may not be physical or logistical. It’s that the sex you’re having just…isn’t that great. “If you’re in a relationship or marriage where sex is not exciting, of course you’re not going to want to do it,” says Tammy Nelson, a 63-year-old AASECT-certified sex therapist, who also speaks from personal experience. “It’s like, if the party isn’t fun, why would you go?”
However, one of the many upsides of getting older is acquiring a kind of bluntness your younger self probably shied away from. “At a certain point, you just don’t give a crap,” says a 64-year-old woman, speaking anonymously. When you realise life’s too short, you stop worrying so much about how your body looks in certain lighting, how you sound while climaxing and whether your kinks are “too much.”
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: vogue.in
