This local footy club has lost four men to suicide. Here’s what they want you to know

Every Thursday night without fail, Hawthorn Amateur Football Club’s men’s and women’s sides gather for dinner after training.

Over a rotating menu of homemade fish and chips, burgers and spaghetti, a player from each team volunteers to stand up and share something personal.

Dubbed “the Triple H” – a bonding exercise pioneered by Damien Hardwick during his tenure at Richmond – each player reveals a hardship they’re currently experiencing, a highlight from the week, and a hero or figure they admire.

As Hawks women’s footy player Charotte Miller notes, the Triple H doesn’t have to be “really deep or private”, it just has to be honest.

“I think sharing things about yourself is really good, especially with people you’re seeing three times a week. You know them pretty well, but you may not know something hard going on in their life,” she told this masthead.

“It’s a really special thing that we do that has definitely helped us bring together the men’s and women’s sides, which has been quite nice.”

On Saturday, Hawthorn’s football community gathered to celebrate their annual luncheon to raise money for their mental health support and education initiative, the Wings program.

In collaboration this year with Graham Psychology, the Wings program features a mental healthcare fund that players, coaches and supporters can use anonymously to access psychology, psychiatric or counselling services at a significantly reduced cost.

The program was established nearly 16 years ago, following a tragic series of events. In 2010, two former men’s players at Hawthorn Amateur Football Club and another player’s father died by suicide. The three deaths left the close-knit community devastated.

President Sam Waldron – who joined the club in 2012 – said the club felt compelled to create the Wings program to prevent further tragedies and encourage conversations around depression.

Since 2010, the Wings program has evolved to include Wings ambassadors – club members and players who are trained and certified in mental health first aid.

At the end of the season, the Wings trophy is awarded to the person who best looks after their mates, both on and off the field. The trophy is named to honour the men who passed away – Jacob Pitcher, Peter Lynch and David Holland.

On Saturday, community members gathered for a communal meal, and listened to a panel of mental health clinicians – including Bree Van Ryswyk, a psychologist with the Tackle Your Feelings program and St Kilda’s AFLW team.

Van Ryswyk said it was easy to spot physical injuries in sporting spaces, but mental health challenges could present differently.

“It’s really about trying to notice shifts in that person and when you’re in a community like a [footy] club, we’re spending so much time together, it’s two nights a week, plus [a] game, plus social events,” she said.

“So, we’re in a really unique position to recognise those changes in someone.”

Waldron said there were always greater opportunities for footy clubs to improve their approach to supporting players’ wellbeing and advocating for mental health support.

In October 2024, Waldron’s former teammate and a previous player at Hawthorn, Danny Priest, died by suicide.

Waldron said the loss impacted him deeply and made him realise there would always be greater work to do in the mental health space in footy.

“It’s not a box-ticking thing where you do a lunch or have a program, and then you move on,” he said. “Mental health is something that needs to be continually on your agenda.”

Miller – who also serves as a Wings program coordinator – said it was important for local footy clubs to be proactive and tackle the stigma around mental health.

After AFL player Elijah Hollands experienced a mental health episode during a prime-time game against Collingwood in April, mental health in sport has dominated media headlines.

In an ideal world, Miller would love all amateur football clubs to adopt something similar to the Wings program to ensure mental health care is affordable and accessible for people in grassroots sports.

Waldron – whose mother is a psychologist – said he noticed a shift in the way men speak about mental health.

“I’ve probably found people are a bit more willing … getting to your 40s as a man, kids and work pressures come up, and I think my friendship group, we’re more comfortable to talk about that, but I’d like to think some of the stuff that we’ve been doing at the footy club has helped facilitate those conversations with my mates,” he said.

“Young men arrive at our footy club, and they might arrive and be a bit stoic and closed,” he continued.

“But after a couple of months, they get a feel for the place and feel comfortable to open up a bit more. That’s really important to see.”

Support is available from Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 44, MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78.

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