Why weird men try to put penises on powerful women

What’s up with all these performative clowns obsessing over the gender of obvious women? Who exactly are these amateur gynecologists, conducting speculative anatomy audits of high-profile females? They’re nothing like they perceive themselves to be, for starters.

In just the latest example, a bunch of guys oiled themselves up, slipped into some plum-smuggling tights, and met up on the White House lawn to celebrate the birthdays of both America and its current president by slapping and kicking each other in a state of quasi-nudity. At one point, one of the participants – the same one who spit up on himself during his weigh-in like a toddler whose mommy had just spoon-fed him pablum – somehow felt compelled to avail himself of his big moment on the national stage to blurt out that former First Lady, Michelle Obama, was a man.

In a culture where masculinity is both costume and currency, there’s always a market for louder declarations. Why wouldn’t someone so clearly obsessed with the optics of manliness, to the point of making a career out of male-to-male gender-affirmation, have anything else in mind? The manosphere is one continuous audit of who is ‘man enough’, conducted by men with a perpetual fear of demotion.

Because being a man can’t just be a neutral activity. It has to be virtue-signaled, shouted into microphones, and ideally monetized. Particularly in this age of rampant cross-dressing and transsexualism, where a dude is even capable of tricking another one into thinking that he’s a woman, and the zeitgeist is similarly filled with women who have transformed into men.

But you can’t fool the manosphere! They’re gatekeeping and gender-policing even the most obvious cases. They’re the mall cops of gender identity, slamming everyone into the ground upon the slightest suspicion. And while they’re at it, they’re going to take down by a few pegs any uppity beeotches who might be so inclined to just walk on by this cultural car crash en route to something more worthy of her time. Because these days, unless women are pumping fillers and Botox into their faces and telegraphing their attempt to center these same men by clinging to their very narrow definition of femininity, then they’re a threat.