Girl’s We’re Going: Quality time with your favourite females nourishes the mind and soul

Lifestyle

Warmed by the golden flames of the firepit, Lucy, my best friend of 15 years, and I are gazing out over the idyllic Yorkshire countryside, the last rays of summer light dancing through the trees that stretch beyond us. It’s been almost 12 months since we were last together, although if anyone could see us in this remote corner of Northeast England, they wouldn’t be able to tell. We talk animatedly in ways that feel like no time at all has passed, darting between topics: the surface-level catch-ups, unfiltered chats about our careers, homes and friends, and the deeper conversations that tend to feel impossible over the phone. There’s a freeing feeling to those precious few days where the pressures of daily life effortlessly evaporate, replaced by unfiltered conversations, leisurely lunches that roll into balmy evenings, and the kind of laughter that leaves your cheeks sore.

It may take missed voice notes, belated responses and more than a few last-minute schedule changes, but our annual girls’ trip is a sacred staple in my calendar. Over the years, the location may change: my high-energy home in Dubai, a sun-drenched weekend in Ibiza, a cosy cabin an hour from her base in Leeds – but the commitment to quality time together remains unaltered. The days headily blur into one. There’s a warmth to the familiar comfort in moments of silence. An adolescent delight when a song from our teenage years begins to blast from the speaker. And as we hug goodbye, a knowing appreciation that we’ll pick up exactly where we left off, whenever – and wherever – that may be. But there’s more to the joy of a girls’ holiday than the restorative effect of uninterrupted time with your closest friends. Psychology plays a part, too. A 2019 study by Harvard University concluded that when it comes to the girls’ trip, “social connections like these not only give pleasure, they also influence our long-term health in ways every bit as powerful as adequate sleep, a good diet and not smoking.” So, the research affirms that the benefits aren’t just for our mental wellbeing, but also an investment in our health. Similarly, according to the American Psychological Association, a review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, with benefits persisting across the life span.

Laura Coughlin’s Greece girls’ trip

Creating time – and crafting traditions – in friendships as we navigate the complex throes of shapeshifting through the different stages of adulthood is an essential reminder that we’re not alone. Research consistently backs this up, pointing to close friendships as one of the strongest predictors of long-term happiness. In his work, social-personality psychologist William Chopik highlighted the importance of making time to reconnect with friends for the sake of our well-being, illustrating that friendships are “a way to derive all the benefits of being in a relationship with someone without the enormity of it.”

“A friend once told me ‘everyone needs a Board of Directors for their life.’” says Laura Coughlin, a Dubai-based food and travel writer. “Different people you call for different things: the tough love, the shoulder, the ‘self-deprecating story’ laugh. These four are a huge part of my Board.” She’s reflecting on a recent trip to Greece, a destination she travels to every year with four friends who she met while working together in publishing in Dubai. “I’m the only one who’s left [in Dubai], the rest are dotted across different time zones now, living completely different lives. But Greece is our fixed point.”

Coughlin shares fond highlights of how it comes together, describing the laid-back nature of the majority of the group as their ‘secret weapon.’ “Two of us love sniffing out the best restaurants and bars, another has an almost supernatural talent for finding the perfect Airbnb, and the rest just say yes to everything. It works because, underneath it all, we all want the exact same holiday. Slow mornings, incredible food, good wine, a proper ensuite, nice-but-not-obscene accommodation… and each other.” The idea that different friends play different roles in our lives is one that can be traced back over 2,300 years. In Aristotle’s The Nicomachean Ethics, his renowned work on the science of the good life, he identified three types of friendship: the friendship of utility, the friendship of pleasure, and the friendship of virtue. While the friendship of utility is based on an exchange of what each party can gain from the other, and the friendship of pleasure is identified as being based on the pursuit of fleeting pleasures, it is the friendship of virtue that’s recognised as the perfect form of friendship. This is the purest form of friendship, uniting us through positive influence, enduring respect and a desire to unlock the best version of each other. It’s this kind of friendship, built on years, not proximity, that the girls’ getaway quietly nurtures.

But perhaps the most significant takeaway from those indulgent escapes with our girlfriends is the effect it has beyond the days spent together. “It just makes the thread stronger,” Coughlin says on the long-term impact of her annual girls’ holiday. “Every year, we prioritise this and show up for each other in person. The memories pile up, and you build something that keeps pulling you back together on purpose.”