“Regarding American global awareness (C8), a former colleague once taught in Arizona,” writes Wayne Duncombe of Lilyfield. “One day, after revealing that she was, in fact, Australian, an earnest student asked her how she managed to escape the communists.”
“It gets worse,” says John Boddington of Dalton. “An acquaintance who was an airline attendant once told me he encountered an elderly American on the way to Cairns to ‘fulfil his lifelong ambition of seeing the film festival’. He kindly gave him a few whiskies to soften the forthcoming blow.”
Forget the rate rise, it’s the toast tax (C8) that’s hitting home, with Maureen Donlon of Wagga Wagga noting that “at the Wagga Wagga Base Hospital, you can’t have toast with your breakfast, just bread. Must save shed-loads of money for the Health Department.”
“Recent items on ‘& Sons/Daughters’ tags (C8) remind me of the two immigrant tradesmen from the subcontinent reportedly working around London some years ago with a van displaying a sign, ‘You’ve had it with the cowboys. Now try the Indians’.” We thank Max McKinnon of Forresters Beach.
“A US contact tells me that The Donald arranged a viewing of Melania (C8) for a select group at which the champagne was flowing freely,” reports Simon Dixon of Bolton Point. “Waiters were wandering through the audience, topping up glasses. One uncorked a bottle but lost control of the stopper, which hit a guest on the head. After a brief silence, the guest said ‘Hit me again. I can still hear her talking’.” And concerning Natasha Lee’s Abe Lincoln jape, Paul Keir of Strathfield can only say, “Too soon, Natasha.”
That said, Hugh O’Keefe of Elizabeth Bay is pretty sure everything will come up trumps: “See Melania in the cinema, and you won’t need an enema.” To which Paul would no doubt say, “Too much, Hugh.”
Warren Finnan of West Ryde reckons “there is no doubt town planners, developers, light rail designers and artist impressionists will Haberfield day with the futuristic Parramatta Road (C8).”
“As a young teacher back in the ’80s I queried the disappearance of the big cockroaches (C8) at the school where I was working,” recalls Brad Campbell of Redfern. “The principal replied, ‘we either have cockroaches or rats, but never both’. So Meri Will, I’d be looking for some contented rats in Baulkham Hills. We currently have plenty on the streets here, but no big cockroaches.”
Column8@smh.com.au
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