Curry for Christmas – and other ways to avoid child meltdowns

Nativity play nerves, Santa’s grotto queues and Christmas lights crowds can make the festive season a sensory overload for children even before the big day arrives.

And their mini-meltdowns only add to the stresses of parents dashing between school plays, present shopping and masterminding the family feast.

Comedian and dad-of-three George Lewis tells CBeebies Parenting Download that while his children “love the thought of Christmas”, the disruption in routine can make December “a real inner conflict” for them.

Parenting and child behaviour specialist San Mehra explains the mismatch of high excitement layered with unpredictability is the perfect recipe for “Christmas overwhelm”. George and San share four ways to create a calmer Christmas for your children.

Christmas disrupts normal routines, but San stresses that keeping anchor points like wake-ups, mealtimes and bedtimes the same helps children feel grounded.

“Chaos all day is hard for kids to cope with,” she says. “If one part of the routine changes, it’s manageable but if everything changes, overwhelm builds quickly.”

She recommends putting up a calendar and marking on events like relatives arriving or a trip to see Santa so children can see what’s coming up and ask questions.

“If you’ve got a child who’s got anxiety around change you can have conversations around that and talk about any worries,” she says.

And crucially, she adds, parents should schedule downtime as deliberately as activities as it will help you anticipate if you do or don’t have time for certain events.

George once clung to an idealised, movie-style Christmas – perfectly wrapped presents, big meals and a bustling house.

But two of his children have autism and the unpredictability and crowds quickly became overwhelming.

“I always had this version of the perfect Christmas in my head,” he says. “But when my son spent an entire family gathering standing alone at the end of the garden, I thought: if this isn’t for him, then who is it for?”

Now he builds Christmas around comfort and predictability: staying at home, keeping numbers low and spreading activities out.

One major change was the meal itself.

“We’ve stopped having Christmas dinner on Christmas Day,” he explains and instead they cook it on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

“Then on the day itself we’re not stressing about a big project and we just play with the kids and order a curry in the evening.”

Even with careful planning, festive outings can tip into overload quickly.

And when a meltdown hits, often after a long queue or an overstimulating attraction, San says the first step for parents is to check in with yourself.

“Your first instinct is panic and you might feel embarrassed or stressed and that’s okay,” she says. But it’s important to first make yourself calm.

Then she recommends getting down to the child’s level and helping them feel understood.

A simple acknowledgement like: “You’ve been waiting for ages, haven’t you? You’re probably fed up right now” can ease the tension.

“If you can name what they are feeling, like frustration or boredom, it will reduce the intensity by 50%,” she says.

George adds that his family often chooses SEND-friendly sessions with reduced noise and fewer people to help keep outings enjoyable rather than overwhelming.

With routines off-kilter and excitement running high squabbles can break out between siblings as well as cousins or friends they may not see regularly.

When kids clash, San says parents don’t always need to dive in immediately. But if things look like they’re escalating she suggests guiding them through these stages:

• Separate the children and ask: “Do you want my help, or do you want to sort it out yourselves?”

• Set the rules: “They have to be quiet while the other person is speaking and they have to listen and empathise.”

• Let each child explain what happened, then briefly clarify the sequence.

• Brainstorm solutions together and agree on one

• Check back later to see how it’s working.

After a while San says that children will “start to sort it out themselves” using the same method.