‘I feel like I’m living a lie’: Gary Woodland opens up on PTSD fight

Gary Woodland says he has been diagnosed with PTSD following a brain procedure in 2023 and that doctors have told him that “in an ideal world,” the 2019 U.S. Open winner probably shouldn’t be playing. 

The revelations came via an emotional interview with Golf Channel’s Rex Hoggard, which was released Monday, three days before the start of the Players Championship, where Woodland is scheduled to make his sixth start of the season. It’ll also mark a year, he said, since being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder following an operation that removed part of a lesion attached to his brain that had led to seizures and thoughts of fear.

In the interview with Hoggard, which you can watch in full here, Woodland said that he continued to battle symptoms created by the lesion, though, and that he chose to open up now because he didn’t want to “waste energy anymore hiding this.”

“I’m blessed with a lot of support out here,” the 41-year-old from Kansas said. “The Tour and everyone’s just been amazing. Every week I come out, and everyone’s so excited and happy that I’m back. And I hear that every week — ‘It’s so nice to see you past this, it’s so nice to see you 100 percent.’ 

“And I appreciate that love and support, but inside I feel like I’m dying and I feel like I’m living a lie and that I don’t want to waste energy on that anymore. I want to focus my energy on me and my recovery, my dreams out here, my family. I don’t want to waste energy hiding this.” 

Below are three other takeaways from the interview:

Gary Woodland’s moment in Napa  

Asked how his fear manifested itself on the course, Woodland described a moment at last year’s Procore Championship, which was doubling as a tune-up for the Ryder Cup for the U.S. team. Woodland, an American vice captain, was playing in the event, and on the second day, he said he became “startled” by his group’s walking scorer. 

“I pulled Butchie, my caddie [Brennan Little], said. ‘Butch, this stuff’s hitting me, man. You can’t let anybody get behind me,’” Woodland said in the interview. “And next thing you know, I couldn’t remember what I was doing. My eyesight started to get blurry. And the hole later, I said, ‘Butch, I can’t handle it,’ and I started bawling, middle of the fairway. It was my turn to hit, I couldn’t hit, and Butch was like, ‘GW, let’s go in.’ I said, ‘No, man, I’m here for these guys, I can’t leave them out here in a twosome. I don’t want to. I want to fight. I want to get through this.’

“He gave me sunglasses to hide it. I went in every bathroom to cry the rest of the day. When I got done, I got in my car and got out of there. I just can’t hide it anymore. Days when it’s tough, I’m crying in the scoring trailer, running to my car when I get done just to hide it, just because I’m scared. I don’t want to live that way anymore. If I’m feeling something, I want to let it out. I want to let it go because I am getting better.”

Since that event, Woodland said he’s talked with the PGA Tour and that protocols have been put in place where he said he feels safe.” Woodland also said the Ryder Cup, played two weeks after the Procore “was probably the safest I’ve felt through this whole journey because I was with the guys and I didn’t have to hide it.”

“They’ve helped me,” Woodland said, “more than I can say.”

Gary Woodland’s talk at the WM Phoenix Open 

Hoggard asked Woodland if he believed he could “outwork” his situation — and Woodland said no. He then described a moment last month at the WM Phoenix Open, where he was paired with a security officer who told him on the tournament’s final day that he was a military veteran who himself had battled PTSD. 

“And he said being with me that week brought back a lot of memories of himself, and he could see my brain analyzing, searching for threats the whole time while I was playing,” Woodland said in the interview. 

“And I wasn’t aware of that.” 

The security officer, Woodland said, then asked if he could give some advice.

“I said please, please,” Woodland said. “And he told me a couple of things. He said this is going to take time. And he said, take every day for what it’s worth. He said if you have a good day, it doesn’t mean you’re over this. And if you have a bad day, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck in this forever. But put your head on your pillow every night and be proud that you got through today. 

“And then the second thing is, he said I don’t care how strong you think you are, you can’t do this on your own. And I needed to hear that because there’s been times where I’ve strung days together where I thought I was past this, and there’s been days where I’ve had bad days in a row, and I thought I was never getting out.”

‘I’m going to play’ 

Woodland said in the interview that doctors have told him that “in an ideal world,” he’s probably not playing and that he’s probably not “in a stressful, overstimulating environment.” To that, though, he said he says this: 

“My response was, in an ideal world, I don’t have this. This is my dream and this is what I’m going to do, and no matter how hard it is, I’m going to play.”

Woodland also said that there was a reason behind doing the interview. 

He said he hoped it would help him. 

“I want to live my dreams and I want to be successful out here, but I want to help people, too, but I realize now I got to help myself first.”

Editor’s note: To watch the complete Golf Channel interview with Woodland, please click here.