I hate drinking from my friend’s square wine glasses. What should I do?

Q: I have a friend who serves wine in square glasses. I find them very awkward to drink from. What should I do? M.M., Ashfield, NSW

A: Square-shaped drinking glasses are a nightmare for anyone without a square-shaped mouth. You have to sip from a corner, you can’t drink without dribbling, and they can only be cleaned using a grout brush and a vacuum cleaner with a crevice tool attachment.

Square-shaped drinking glasses are at the top of the Appallingly Designed Kitchen Product List, alongside too-skinny champagne flutes that you have to clean by poking your fingers inside, slashing your finger webbing on a chipped rim. And earthenware dinner plates that you never want to eat off because they’re covered in brown marbling effects so they look like they’ve been stored in a hobo’s buttock crack. And tomato sauce squirt bottles that always get clotted tips so when you give them a squeeze, sauce spurts out sideways, right towards the crotch. And soy sauce bottles with those plastic, pull-ring tops that break off at the first tug, then you have to use a knife to stab open the lid and also a hand artery.

Any time you’re confronted with appallingly designed kitchen products at someone’s house, lean into the appallingness and make a whole production of it. Sip from your friend’s square glass, let the wine run down your chin and over your clothes, then say, “Oh, silly me! I can’t even drink from your lovely square glasses. Have you got a boring, old-fashioned, round-shaped glass for a clumsy, dribbly oaf like me?” And I’m sure she’ll feel terrible about it and rush off to get you a round glass. Especially if you happen to be dribbling all over her engineered, volcanic-stone kitchen benchtop that can’t be exposed to any type of moisture, including water.