John Bolton bombs himself in a blaze of poetic justice

Former Trump national security advisor John Bolton has been indicted in Maryland on 18 federal counts of violating the Espionage Act, which is kind of poetic for a guy who’s spent a career demanding that everyone else get indicted for leaking things.

Bolton pleaded not guilty and will now enjoy the same due process that he’s long tried to deny whistleblowers, journalists, and the occasional sovereign nation.

According to the indictment, ‘Bomb Iran’ Bolton spent roughly a year and a half as Trump’s top advisor firing off around a thousand pages of top-secret national security info – not to the Russians, not to the Chinese, but to his wife and daughter, neither of whom have security clearances, through the same email accounts most people use to share dog-in-costume photos and mid-vacation thirst traps. Which kind of defeats the purpose of the ultra-secure government server system the White House built for him. Why use an encrypted military network when you have AOL, the preferred platform for septuagenarians?

Bolton isn’t accused of sending the original classified documents themselves – just writing out classified intel in the form of “notes,” like some kind of 19th-century clerk. A true craftsman.

And why would he do that? Glad you asked. Hit it, John! “For Diary in the future!!!” That’s what Bolton allegedly texted when his own family asked what the hell he was doing.