My husband and I dated quietly at first. Six weeks in, I learnt I was pregnant

Musician Sophie Ellis-Bextor is best known for her hit song, Murder on the Dancefloor. Here, the 46-year-old mother of five talks about the important men in her life, including what led to her meeting her husband, fellow musician Richard Jones, and how their family began with a surprise discovery.

My maternal grandfather wasn’t an outwardly demonstrative man, but when he died five years ago I realised he showed his affection through his love language [acts of service]. He served in the British army and then worked in the BBC’s special effects department – a very clever engineer. When I had my first baby, Grandpa made the gates for me to put at the top of the stairs, including an archway for the cat. We were very close.

My dad, Robin, is a big reason I became a singer – he is a very passionate music fan. He always played his vinyl records and told stories behind the bands and songs. He works as a TV producer and documentary director. My early cultural references came from what he shared with me.

My parents separated when I was four. I’d spend weekends with Dad and on one occasion he introduced me to the music of the Pet Shop Boys. I ended up supporting them on tour; a full-circle moment that the younger me would never believe. Dad always played Pink Floyd and took me to my first gig when I was eight.

My stepdad, John, met my mum, Janet, when I was seven and Mum fell pregnant with my brother Jackson after they’d only been dating for three months. John didn’t really know any kids before me, but we found our way to our own relationship.

John and Mum had a gorgeous marriage. They made each other happy and that taught me about relationships. When he died six years ago, there was nothing unresolved. That’s something I’d love to be able to pass on to my kids.

Jackson is eight years younger than me and plays drums in my touring band. I remember seeing him walk for the first time, and playing music for him as a child. He’d turn saucepans upside down and pretend to play the drums with chopsticks. I’d take him to the park near our family home on his rollerskates or rollerblades.

My first crush was Elliott Taylor [played by Henry Thomas] from the film E.T. I watched it when I was four and remember telling mum how much I loved him. He’s got a little upturned nose and freckles and, funnily enough, my husband, [musician] Richard Jones, has a little upturned nose and freckles. I guess I found my type fairly quickly!

Another teenage crush was actor Leonardo DiCaprio – I had posters all over my bedroom walls. I recently found a diary in which I spent a lot of time talking about actor Stephen Dorff, which is really weird because I don’t remember liking him.

I started singing in a band, the Audience, when I was 16 thanks to musician Billy Reeves. It changed my life. We signed to a record label and when we split my solo career took off.

I first met my husband, Richard, in 2002 when he auditioned for my band. He had a girlfriend and I was in a long-term relationship which was faltering. I liked his company but the idea of a relationship with him wasn’t even in my peripheral vision.

We kept our first date in 2004 really quiet, but we found out we were having a baby after we’d been dating for six weeks. We now have five sons together.

I always wanted to be a mum. I wasn’t expecting to have a baby at 25, but having kids felt very grounding and that’s why we kept doing it. Our sons are now aged from 21 to seven.

I grew up with family life being something very positive, especially once my brother was born; it changed everything for me. I never had any doubts about marrying Richard. I’m always keen to hear his perspective on life. Our eldest was at our wedding in 2005. It’s nice for our kids to know we are committed.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s album Perimenopop is out now.

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