WASHINGTON—According to administration sources, President Donald Trump gathered his Cabinet in the White House Situation Room on Friday to watch pornography, staring at a large-screen TV with laser focus while his advisors sat around him in hushed silence. “Operation horny MILF teacher bangs hot male student is a go,” said Trump, who leaned forward with tented hands alongside a sweating, visibly aroused Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Secretary of State Marco Rubio as a series of sexually explicit videos, including Mature XXX Facial HD, played in front of them. “He’s got eyes on her. In the principal’s office. That boy may be young, but he’s hung. He’s asking for extra help with his cock. Initiate erection in three…two…one…” At press time, the president informed the nation in a live televised address that he had successfully ejaculated after completing a targeted masturbatory mission in front of several female White House staffers.
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