GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Despite ample opportunity for the troubling realization to occur to him in the long hours he spent staring at his laptop, sources reported Tuesday that local man Aaron Semple at no point recognized during his recent rewatching of every Planet Of The Apes film that he might, in fact, be depressed. “I thought it could be fun but also kind of a challenge to watch the whole series from start to finish,” said Semple, who reportedly failed to perceive the seriousness of his mood disorder even once as he binged the dystopian sci-fi franchise, including in the short breaks he took between installments when the concerning reality of his mental health had a better chance of surfacing. “Obviously, some of the older ones, aside from the very first, don’t quite hold up, and the Mark Wahlberg remake is pretty shaky. But the newer Ape movies are really good, and either way, I’m kind of proud I stuck it out. Yeah, I gotta say, all in all, it’s been a pretty awesome day.” At press time, reports confirmed Semple was on the verge of comprehending how deeply sad he was at all times when he discovered a Planet Of The Apes television series from 1974 that he still hadn’t checked out.
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