Every year, dozens are killed and many more injured in the avalanches that surge down mountains nationwide. Here’s ways to avoid an untimely death by snow.
Check God’s Wrath Level Before Heading Out: If forecasts indicate He’s angry with you, it’s best to stay in.
Get Ready: To help ensure you are prepared, try getting stuck in a few test avalanches beforehand.
Don’t Taunt The Snow: Most avalanches happen because someone mouthed off.
After Getting Trapped, Move On With Your Life: The avalanche was a big change, but it’s time to accept that being buried under 25 feet of snow is your new normal.
Protest: Use your First Amendment right to voice your disapproval to the avalanche.
Save Energy: Power down your ROG Ally X gaming handheld after a few more rounds of Spelunky.
Conserve Oxygen For Whistling: You’ll want to be able to whistle.
Amputate Your Arm With A Dull Pocket Knife: It won’t free you from being trapped, but it will help you pass the time.
Let The Mountain Know It’s Not In Your Will: An avalanche is less likely to be deadly if the mountain knows there’s no financial benefit.
Dig Down To The Center Of The Earth: The planet’s core is much warmer than snow.
Eat A Mediterranean Diet: While it might not help in the short term, a Mediterranean diet is a heart-healthy option that can increase your life by up to 10 years.
Call An Uber: They’ll find you. It’s their job.
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: theonion.com
