CLEVELAND—Saying the costs had begun to outweigh the benefits, administrators at the Cleveland Clinic confirmed Tuesday that they had decided to discontinue their use of a cancer-sniffing leopard in clinical settings. “Our ability to rapidly and accurately identify the disease has improved remarkably since we began using our detection leopard Fang in cancer screenings, but we have ultimately opted to phase out his services,” said hospital CEO Tomislav Mihaljevic, adding that “extensive” complaints from patients and families had forced the clinic’s doctors to return to more traditional methods of testing for cancer. “Fang, while unparalleled in his ability to root out malignant tumors, often resorted to deeply invasive maulings and eviscerations as part of his diagnostic process. His recent disembowelment of a 9-year-old leukemia patient was one of many incidents that led us rethink our procedures, even if in that case the resulting exposure of the patient’s organs did allow us to verify that her cancer had spread to her liver.” Mihaljevic went on to report that the hospital was similarly reconsidering its therapy piranha program.
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