DALLAS—In a bold risk that strayed from her usual habits, local woman Emily Lentz reportedly dove headfirst into a thrilling adventure Wednesday by blindly purchasing a different apple variety. “What crazy times might this Cosmic Crisp have in store for me? I choose to accept its enigmatic offer with open arms,” said Lentz, noting that it had been a year since she tried trying a bite of dragonfruit at the farmers market and her life was due for an unhinged journey. “Well-behaved women seldom make history, and I want to someday be able to gather my grandchildren around me and regale them with the story of how I bought some Pink Ladies without doing any research or sampling beforehand. Even though I have no idea if these apples would taste good in a pie or cobbler, I’m choosing to defy all instincts and just embrace the beautiful mystery they have in store.” At press time, Lentz had reportedly woken up driving 95 mph on the interstate in a stolen car after sampling a single Granny Smith.
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