MIAMI—Confined to a federal detention center in Florida and facing extradition to the U.K. on multiple charges of human trafficking and rape, social media influencer Andrew Tate was reportedly heard to exclaim, “No bars can hold me!” this weekend as he entered his ninth consecutive hour of trying to pry open his cell. “Prison is only a mindset, and it’s only a matter of time before I release myself from its fetters!” said the red-faced, sweat-soaked Tate, gritting his teeth as he tried in vain to pull apart the bars of his cell while several of his fellow inmates looked on laughing. “I am the alpha here. These bars are too skinny and effeminate to hold me. Plus, no prison cell can contain someone worth millions of dollars for long. Tomorrow I’m going to lift extra weights and that will surely make me strong enough to break free.” At press time, sources reported that Tate had attempted to punch the bars apart and fractured several bones in his hand.
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