COLUMBUS, OH—As they ran freely between tables and emitted a powerful odor of sweat, grass, and damp polyester, a youth soccer team was stinking up an entire Red Robin following a morning tournament, restaurant patrons confirmed Saturday. “They’re climbing over the backs of the seats, throwing fries at each other, being loud—every time one of them runs past our table, there’s this blast of little-boy musk,” said diner Sarah Leffler, adding that the team’s parents had established their own table on the opposite side of the restaurant, where they drank beers and made no apparent effort to intervene as members of the U-10 Strikers clacked their mud-caked cleats across the floor, shot straw wrappers, repeatedly slammed the men’s room door, and crowded six-deep in the middle of the dining room to snicker at something on one of their phones. “Ew, one of them just took his shin guards off. They’ve completely taken over the place! What’s the point of bottomless fries if I can’t even make it through the first basket without gagging on shin guard stench?” At press time, one father briefly approached the team, said “Guys, come on,” and immediately returned to his beer.
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