ST. LOUIS—Drawing skeptical gazes from onlookers for their peculiar approach to resolving conflicts, a weird family at a local bistro reportedly settled a series of disputes calmly and respectfully Friday. “It’s crazy—they spoke one at a time, listened to what everyone else was saying, apologized for any harm done, and then decided to move forward with a mutually agreeable solution,” said baffled observer Matty Boyle, adding that “not one” of the family members screamed obscenities or stormed out of the restaurant. “It was honestly incredibly off-putting to watch. I was expecting the dad to raise his voice or the kids to call their mom a ‘fucking bitch’ at some point, but it never happened. They stayed eerily considerate of each other’s feelings the entire time. Then, when it was all over, they huddled together for a group hug. Freaky. I have no idea what’s going on with those people, but I’m glad they’re not my family.” At press time, witnesses were relieved to learn that after leaving the bistro, the father had driven the entire weird family off a bridge.
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