BC. Before Children. Life after children is kept a closely guarded secret by society. Or maybe no one has the time to explain! This deeply personal, candid, yet unpretentiously lightly written memoir will strike a chord with many. Not just with Mommies and Daddies, but anyone who has been part of a family. It is about the author’s own personal experience of becoming a parent; what, despite books and a world full of parents being available, is not expected and can only be experienced — in the manner of each individual parent with their individual baggage and growing up experiences.
Through her conversational writing style, we glimpse not only the experiences of her immediate mixed background family, but also slices of life in places as diverse as Mayur Vihar in Delhi and New York, both of which she loves having lived in. A story that caught my attention, partly because it was frightening and partly because my own mother had a similar experience, stands out as an accolade to her mother who was driving the author, then eight, back home was being bothered by two men on a scooter. Her mother handled it with amazing aplomb and courage, but to think that such things can happen to parents and the parent must think not just for herself but for her child as well, was chilling.
Of course, it’s not possible to write about becoming a parent without many funny bits. Every family has their share of the child’s takeaway from what the parent thought was an informative conversation they were having, or the story that is only funny many years later! And the book is peppered with these. Postpartum depression is touched on and her father’s good advice. Often we forget to ask our fathers for advice as though they have a defined job scope that does not include discussions about feelings. Basu mulls this over when she talks about reaching out to her father who gave her excellent advice.
There are thoughts that come and go, just putting the big questions out there, that we grapple with. Like when she says, “…I chose not to be the main breadwinner. But then I stop. Did I really make that last choice or was it made for me by the world?” And as she says, “the unfair thing about parenting is that we can’t know if we’re doing it right or wrong until our children become adults”.
As a newly minted parent, when Basu was advised to take a break for herself, she made a surprise self- discovery that she continuously missed the baby through the enjoyment of the break. Much of parenting can include self-discovery; and it is also good for parents to be brought down from the lofty heights of hierarchy by the observations of their children! Like when she was told by one of her daughters, “It’s so weird that you existed in the olden days!” Not every experience will have an “exactly” moment! But it’s important for these thoughts to be shared.
A Mother is Born
By Diksha Basu
Simon & Schuster
pp. 225; Rs 499
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: deccanchronicle.com
