Satirical News

China Criticizes Decision To Award Grammy To Dalai Lama

The Chinese government blasted the Recording Academy’s decision to award the Dalai Lama his first Grammy, claiming the music industry award for an audiobook...

‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Sighing in frustration as she turned another page devoid of sexual content, Lord Of The Rings reader Adrienne Heeren told reporters Wednesday that she couldn’t...
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U-Haul Unveils Live-In Trucks To Sleep In While You Sort Some Shit Out

PHOENIX—In an effort to attract clientele who need to rent vehicles for their belongings without having a final destination...

Pet Iguana Assumed He’d Move Out Of Starter Tank By Now

RUTHERFORD, NJ—Expressing disappointment at how his life had turned out, local pet iguana Kermit confirmed this week that he...

Fantasy About Impressing Coworkers Unimaginably Pathetic

CHARLOTTE, NC—Describing the woman’s imagined scenario of workplace valor as both “cringeworthy” and “profoundly sad,” office sources confirmed Tuesday...

RFK Jr. Questions Efficacy Of Skin

WASHINGTON—In a firm dismissal of decades of scientific research and real-world data on the organ’s benefits and safety, Health...

What I Lack In Physical Strength, I Make Up For In Pubic Hair

Look, I get it. I’m a weakling. These scrawny arms and spindly legs have obviously never seen the inside...

Comrades, I made Commissar Mandy an Ambassador to America Despite Knowing Bad Things

Today, comrades, I want to talk about the disgraced Commissar Mandy who I made an ambassador of America despite...