Satirical News

EXCLUSIVE: We’re Giving Away 10,000 FREE Cruise Tickets

This is an EXCLUSIVE offer that can only come from the Daily Squib. We are offering 10,000 FREE tickets on a luxury deluxe cruise...

Chappell Roan Makes Amends By Kidnapping 11-Year-Old Fan

SÃO PAULO—In an effort to rectify the misunderstanding between the young girl, the girls’ parents, and herself, pop star Chappell Roan kidnapped the 11-year-old...
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Trump Demands Allies Do Their Fair Share To Fuck Up The World

WASHINGTON—Declaring that the United States would no longer bear the full burden of screwing the pooch on a global...

Chick-Fil-A Announces Two Halves Of Buns Must Be Married Before Becoming Sandwich 

ATLANTA—Hoping to provide clarity to consumers about their company’s food production standards, Chick-fil-A officials announced Monday that the two...

Political Profile: Markwayne Mullin

Markwayne Mullin has been nominated to succeed Kristi Noem as the secretary of homeland security. The Onion shares everything...

Live Possum Found Hiding Among Gift Shop Plush Animal Toys

Spotting the big brown eyes that peeped out from a shelf of stuffed animal toys, a traveler browsing in...

FDA Withdraws Proposed Rule Barring Minors From Using Tanning Beds

The Food and Drug Administration canceled a plan to regulate tanning salons that would have prohibited anyone under 18...

Trump: “Ya Gotta Finish What Ya Started!”

Huh! Ceasefire? C’mon now, just because the markets got a lil spooky, stopping the job now will just consign this...