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EXCLUSIVE: We’re Giving Away 10,000 FREE Cruise Tickets

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This is an EXCLUSIVE offer that can only come from the Daily Squib. We are offering 10,000 FREE tickets on a luxury deluxe cruise...

Chappell Roan Makes Amends By Kidnapping 11-Year-Old Fan

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SÃO PAULO—In an effort to rectify the misunderstanding between the young girl, the girls’ parents, and herself, pop star Chappell Roan kidnapped the 11-year-old...
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Trump Demands Allies Do Their Fair Share To Fuck Up The World

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WASHINGTON—Declaring that the United States would no longer bear the full burden of screwing the pooch on a global...

Chick-Fil-A Announces Two Halves Of Buns Must Be Married Before Becoming Sandwich 

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ATLANTA—Hoping to provide clarity to consumers about their company’s food production standards, Chick-fil-A officials announced Monday that the two...

Political Profile: Markwayne Mullin

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Markwayne Mullin has been nominated to succeed Kristi Noem as the secretary of homeland security. The Onion shares everything...

Live Possum Found Hiding Among Gift Shop Plush Animal Toys

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Spotting the big brown eyes that peeped out from a shelf of stuffed animal toys, a traveler browsing in...

FDA Withdraws Proposed Rule Barring Minors From Using Tanning Beds

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The Food and Drug Administration canceled a plan to regulate tanning salons that would have prohibited anyone under 18...

Trump: “Ya Gotta Finish What Ya Started!”

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Huh! Ceasefire? C’mon now, just because the markets got a lil spooky, stopping the job now will just consign this...
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