SÃO PAULO—In an effort to rectify the misunderstanding between the young girl, the girls’ parents, and herself, pop star Chappell Roan kidnapped the 11-year-old fan who was upset by a security guard while in São Paulo to attend Lollapalooza Brasil, sources reported Monday. “People think I hate children, but that’s not true—in fact, I love children so much, I’ve decided you can live with me, forever and ever,” the 28-year-old Roan said to the young fan as they sped wildly through the streets of São Paulo in an unmarked van following an incident in which the “Pink Pony Club” singer and a security guard were blasted by soccer star Jorginho Frello on social media. “There are no mean guards in my basement. It’s a good thing you love my voice so much, because it’s the only one you’re going to be hearing for a very, very long time. You’ll get your own private concert from me every single day while I’m shoving applesauce through the slats of your cage, plus we’ll take tons of photos together that detectives can use to try to furiously track down your location.” According to reports, Roan later surprised the 11-year-old with a litany of autographed items, including a vinyl record, a tote bag, and a taunting letter to the police.
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