ERIE, PA—Saying that every full-grain cowhide motorcycle jacket would help keep a brooding, wayward rebel warm through the cold weather months, a local charity announced Tuesday that it had begun its 10th annual leather coat drive for bad boys in need.
According to organizers, donations can be placed in drop boxes outside pool halls, 24-hour diners, and biker bars throughout town. Jackets are needed in all sizes, especially broad-shouldered and athletic fits, and may be harshly used, as tattered fabric reportedly lends bad boys an undeniable mystique. Statistics indicate the need is urgent, as a lack of proper leather apparel puts renegade youth populations at increased risk of frostbite, road rash, and looking like a doofus.
“This winter, we ask that you consider the outwardly tough, but deep down vulnerable, young men in our community by cleaning out your closets and setting aside any leather coats with prominent shoulder studs,” said Janet McGwin, who told reporters the charity, known as Bundle Up Our Bad Boys, works to ensure area hoodlums stay warm while loitering on street corners with their friends and hassling passersby. “Many bad boys have to make that single pack of cigs rolled up in their shirtsleeve last an entire day, and they struggle to access basic necessities like a black double-rider jacket with a sewn-in half belt.”
“It’s so sad to see them shivering in their plain white T-shirts while they rev their motorcycles in abandoned lots, slugging back extra whiskey to fend off the cold or simply smoking an unfiltered Pall Mall and staring off into the distance,” she continued. “Unfortunately, sleeve tattoos don’t keep a person’s arms warm.”
McGwin added that her group plans to collect at least 5,000 leather coats by the end of the month, ideally ones that have asymmetric zippers, snap-down lapels, or patches that say “Born to ride.” Also accepted are buckskin bomber jackets, as they can work too, depending on the style a bad boy is going for. In addition, the organization welcomes donations of fingerless gloves, Wayfarer sunglasses, fine-tooth combs, hair pomade, and switchblades.
Recipients from past leather coat drives confirmed these items were essential to retaining a sense of bad boy dignity. For local ne’er-do-well and high school dropout Tony Lockhart, having a fringed leather cruiser jacket with epaulets and zip-close sleeves has meant a new beginning.
“I love having this killer coat in the winter, especially when me and my buddies are cruising around and blasting tunes in my old Mustang, which doesn’t have any heat,” said Lockhart, stretching his lean frame over a pool table to sink a bank shot as he spoke to reporters about how he spends much of his time fixing up the muscle car, which has a faded King Cobra decal on the hood. “Bundle Up Our Bad Boys understands that when a guy like me looks good, he feels good. I’ve become more successful in all areas of my life, whether it’s picking up broads, fighting some jock who dissed me, or street racing at night around a deadly bend on the edge of town.”
At press time, the charity reported that it had attempted to begin delivering donated leather coats to those in need, but all the bad boys had hit the open road, tearing out of town for parts unknown and swearing never to return.
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: theonion.com
