LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND—In what scholars have called the largest shake-up of the game’s rule set in centuries, the International Chess Federation announced Tuesday that it was adding a race car piece to the playing board. “In all officially sanctioned matches played from today forward, the pawn immediately in front of a player’s king will be replaced with a sick little hot rod that can move any number of squares horizontally, vertically, or in a circle like it’s doing donuts,” said the president of the game’s global governing body, Arkady Dvorkovich, who imitated the sound of a revving engine with his mouth as he maneuvered the new race car piece around a chessboard in a demonstration match with grandmaster Magnus Carlsen. “The race car piece gets to go twice in one turn because it’s so fast, and it can also launch off a rook of the same color to fly over the other pieces like this—VRRRRRR WOOSH. The pawns are its pit crew and can use a turn to turbocharge the race car, allowing it to capture all the enemy pieces in a straight line at once. The king can also go for a joyride in the race car, and then he’s invincible for three turns because the race car has a super powerful force field, too.” Dvorkovich went on to say that upon reaching the eighth rank, the race car piece could be turned sideways and gain the ability to Tokyo drift.
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