Kelly’s abusive ex left her with thousands in debt. There was a way out

Kelly* left an abusive relationship with thousands of dollars in debt her ex had racked up – and no way to pay it off.

Her then-husband had taken money they needed for rent and other living expenses and used it to feed his drug addiction, forcing her to take out loans to care for the family of six.

“When I got out of the relationship, I had nothing,” the Sydneysider said. “I had no money; I was just trying to support myself and my kids.

“He was my everything. He was a good person at first, and then he just … flipped; he just turned. I think he thought I didn’t notice what he was doing.”

Kelly said her ex-husband had taken rent money and spent it while assuring her he had paid the bills in person. The tenancy was in her name, she said, and the property manager pursued her for unpaid rent.

“I had no idea,” Kelly said. “My kids needed stuff for school and I couldn’t afford it.”

‘He’s trying to kill us’

The lowest point, Kelly said, also became a turning point. Their eldest child had warned her: “He’s trying to kill us, Mum.”

She said it spurred her to make the difficult decision to leave her husband. “I can’t put my kids through that,” she said.

Kelly was put in touch with Legal Aid NSW’s Domestic Violence Unit, which identified that she was a victim-survivor of long-term domestic and family violence and financial abuse.

The DVU helped her to have $12,500 in debt waived by lenders and other organisations.

“They really helped me,” Kelly said. “I’m not able to go back to work.”

Almost $200,000 in debt cleared

Legal Aid NSW said it had helped victim-survivors get almost $200,000 in financial abuse debt waived in the 2025-6 financial year alone, including bank loans, credit card bills, Centrelink debts and fees incurred as a result of the abuse.

Financial abuse involved a “pattern of control, exploitation or sabotage of finances, affecting a person’s capacity to make, spend and save money”, Legal Aid said.

It was a form of coercive control that “can continue long after a relationship ends, resulting in significant debt and financial insecurity”.

Lawyer Emma Smallwood, Legal Aid’s acting director of family and domestic violence services, said it was “really common for us, unfortunately, to see victims left with some form of debt, and often that debt is being used as a way to continue the abuse or the control”.

She said most victim-survivors who received assistance from the DVU “see a lawyer, a financial counsellor, and a social worker”.

The three professionals worked together to address urgent issues for clients, she said, spanning legal and financial issues, the protection of children, and access to secure housing.

“The work that financial counsellors are able to do, especially when they work with DV lawyers, is incredible,” Smallwood said. “It is so powerful.”

Red flags

Smallwood said there were “a few different flags” that might point to financial abuse, including that a victim-survivor might be unaware of a debt or the circumstances surrounding it.

An abuser might have “run up credit cards or taken out loans, [or] forged signatures in their [former partner’s] name … leaving them with those kinds of coerced debts”, she said.

Smallwood said that once financial abuse debts had been identified, a financial counsellor would work with lenders.

She said that “many lenders and financial services providers are now quite open to … looking at the evidence, and potentially waiving debt to allow victims of family violence to sever that financial tie” that had been used as a form of abuse.

The form of evidence required varied depending on the lender and the size of the debt.

“Some lenders in some circumstances will accept assessment by a financial counsellor or a social worker … or a refuge,” Smallwood said.

Access to a bank account

A bank account in a victim-survivor’s name that was safe to access is “such a basic need” for victim-survivors, she said, and the financial counsellors could help them to set one up.

“Many women we see haven’t had access to a safe bank account maybe in a decade or more,” Smallwood said.

Clients may have had to rely on a credit card in a perpetrator’s name that could be cut off at any time, she said, making it difficult to buy basic items such as clothing and food.

Kelly said her children were her priority and she wanted her story to give other women the confidence to leave toxic relationships.

“I can survive on my own,” she said. “I’m blessed with four kids. I’ve got family around me.”

*Name changed to protect her identity

Legal Aid NSW’s Domestic Violence Unit 1800 979 529

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