‘Motherhood Isn’t Just About Enduring’: A New Mom’s Advice on Self-Care

This story is part of “Parenting: What Google Won’t Tell You” — The Better India’s people-led parenting series that goes beyond conventional advice to document how real families are actually raising their children. Through real parents, parenting coaches, influencers and experts, the series brings honest, diverse and relatable perspectives on the questions, choices, challenges and solutions that shape everyday parenting — the things Google can’t always answer.

“Don’t hold the baby too much; you’ll spoil her.”

For Lovely Sharma, a three-month-old’s mother in Gurgaon, Haryana, this is one piece of advice she has heard often but never felt the need to follow.

When her daughter needs comfort, Lovely picks her up. When she is hungry, she feeds her. And when she wants to hold her little girl close, she does not worry about whether someone might think she is carrying her too much.

“My first and foremost priority is that my baby feels happy, safe, and comfortable. If holding her gives her comfort, I will hold her,” she says. “I don’t think a baby can be ‘spoiled’ by receiving too much love and affection.”

Three months into motherhood, Lovely, a content creator who shares her journey with an online community, is learning that while advice comes from everywhere, she does not have to follow every word of it. Some suggestions have made her transition into motherhood easier; others have taught her to trust herself.

It is a journey of learning what works for her daughter, letting go of expectations and understanding that there is no single rulebook for being a good mother.

The parts of motherhood nobody quite prepares you for

Before her daughter arrived, Lovely knew about the sleepless nights, frequent feeds and endless diaper changes. What surprised her was the emotional adjustment that came with becoming a mother.

“Experiencing motherhood is like entering a completely new life,” she says.

There are the sleepy smiles that can turn an entire day around, but also the hormonal changes, exhaustion, and unexpected emotions. Sometimes, even when everyone wants to hold the baby, a mother may simply want to keep her close.

“It’s beautiful, overwhelming, exhausting and emotional, all at the same time,” Lovely says.

As she navigated these changes, she also became more aware of how much pressure society places on new mothers to recover quickly, manage the household and care for everyone while adjusting to a life-changing experience themselves.

Through her online community, she decided to share the less discussed parts of this journey, including physical recovery, stitches, hormonal changes and the pressure to become a “perfect” mother overnight.

“A mother can be grateful for her baby and still say, ‘This is hard.’ Those two things can exist together,” she says.

If being honest about her experience helps even one new mother feel less alone, Lovely believes it is worth sharing.

The advice that helped her let go of guilt

One of the most valuable pieces of advice Lovely received was simple: she did not have to feel guilty for resting, crying, asking for help, or being unable to manage everything alone.

“Just be yourself, love yourself and love your baby,” she recalls being told.

It helped her question expectations she had unknowingly placed on herself. She began to understand that being a good mother did not mean exhausting herself or getting everything right.

Looking back, she wishes she had understood sooner that rest was not laziness.

“Your body has just done something extraordinary. You don’t need to earn the right to rest,” she says. “Recovering is also productive.”

Another suggestion that proved useful was expressing breast milk. As an exclusively pumping mother by choice, Lovely says it has given her the flexibility to rest, eat, shower, or simply take a breather while her baby continues to receive her milk.

She is also firm about not letting other people’s opinions turn feeding into a measure of motherhood.

“I heard things like, ‘Apni chhati se doodh pilao,’ or received side looks, as if expressing milk somehow makes you less of a mother,” she says.

“A baby doesn’t measure love by whether milk came directly from the breast or a bottle.”

For Lovely, a baby’s well-being and a mother’s physical and mental health deserve equal consideration.

Learning to raise her baby her way

Not every piece of advice has found a place in Lovely’s parenting journey. She chose not to swaddle her daughter, create a fixed sleep schedule, or wait for a set two-hour interval before every feed. She says she feeds her baby on demand and makes choices according to what feels right for them.

She also recalls a suggestion from her best friend that has stayed with her: “Always talk to the baby at eye level. To them, we are giants constantly giving instructions and orders.”

Sometimes, Lovely gets down on her knees to look at her daughter at her level and talk to her like a little friend. Even at three months, this small practice has made her more conscious of how she communicates with her child.

When it comes to conflicting advice, she has found a simple way to steady herself.

“It’s my baby. I will learn.”

She listens to people and considers advice when it is useful, but she also recognises that every child and family is different. When suggestions such as giving a baby water, gripe water or honey, or tying threads around her hands did not align with her judgement, she chose not to follow them. She believes parents should keep learning as information changes across generations.

A mother deserves care, too

If Lovely could return to the day her daughter was born, she would remind herself to savour the little moments, look at her baby as much as possible, and make time to eat and rest, too.

For other new mothers, her advice is to remember that becoming a parent does not mean disappearing as a person.

“Ask for help. Rest. Eat. Take a shower. Dress up. Go outside. Work if you want to. Don’t work if you don’t want to,” she says.

She also hopes mothers will stop measuring themselves against one another. The way a baby is delivered, whether a mother breastfeeds or expresses milk, and whether she needs help should never become a hierarchy of who is doing motherhood better.

“Being a good mother and being your own person are not two opposite things,” she says.

Three months into motherhood, Lovely is still learning her daughter’s needs, habits, and expressions. She does not claim to have all the answers, nor does she believe she needs to.

For her, the lesson is to love her baby, remain open to learning, and trust herself enough to make decisions for her family.

“Motherhood should not be about proving how much pain you can tolerate,” she says. “It should be about raising a child while remembering that the mother deserves care too.”

All images courtesy of Lovely Sharma

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