My misogynistic colleagues hate me. And I’m about to be their boss

Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: unruly male colleagues, a boss obsessed with a new health diagnosis and a desk mate who can’t mind their manners .

I’m the only female in a group of supervisors in a male-dominated industry. I have aspirations to move up, and I know my managers see me in a similar light. The problem is my work group. They formed their allegiances long before I joined the group and I (happily) don’t fit in. They bully and backstab, spread gossip and rumour, and try to pass off their lies as truths. The men bludge, leave work early and love to tell me that I only got the job because I have “tits and a vagina”. I’m being looked at to replace our manager, which means I would be their boss. How do I best navigate this, knowing what I know about them, and knowing that there will probably be a backlash?

I need to learn some mindfulness techniques to reduce the frustration I feel reading some of the letters I receive. Where is your manager while this is all happening under their nose? Why aren’t they noticing the same thing you are? Why aren’t they acting to improve the workplace culture – not just for women – but for everyone being supervised by these guys?

It goes without saying the remarks you shared about getting the job because you have “tits and a vagina” aren’t just unpleasant – they are completely unacceptable. Remarks like that fall squarely into the territory of sexist conduct and harassment, and no one should have to tolerate them as part of doing their job. Your employer is breaching the law by allowing this kind of culture to continue.

If you get the promotion, and let’s all hope you do, the leadership challenge you’re facing goes well beyond those individuals. Your job won’t be to win them over but to set the standard for how the team operates.

There will be a backlash, for sure, as you seek to stamp out the poor culture you have experienced, so it won’t be easy, and you will need the backing of your employer to make the necessary changes. You will need to set clear standards for performance, conduct and team culture.

I hope your organisation realises how lucky it is to have you, and it supports you every step of the way. The workplace culture and the working conditions for everyone in your business will only ever improve if it hires new leaders like you to make the change.

I have worked for my company for three years and have always taken my job seriously. I have recently been diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. It isn’t affecting my work, but I’m hearing that my manager keeps talking about the day when I won’t be able to perform my role. I’m terrified I’ll be made redundant because of this.

It’s completely understandable that those comments would worry you, and it is also completely unacceptable for your manager to discuss your health condition with others. I am assuming your manager is not a doctor, so any prognosis they might have is irrelevant. What matters is your ability to perform the inherent requirements of the role. From what you’ve said, your condition isn’t currently affecting your work.

If the condition ever does affect your work, the law generally requires employers to consider reasonable adjustments – changes that allow someone to continue performing their job safely – but contact Fair Work to learn more in your specific circumstances.

The most helpful step now may be to address the issue directly with your manager. A calm conversation clarifying that you can fully perform your role will hopefully stop their idle chatter and any speculation before it grows. And remember, it is illegal for you to lose your job because of a health condition, and hopefully a conversation will avoid it getting close to anything like that.

How do you politely ask someone in a close workspace to mind their manners? My colleague chews with their mouth open, slurps drinks, takes calls on speaker and loudly discusses their investment property. It’s incredibly distracting and driving me crazy. I know we all have to share space, but how do I ask them to be more mindful?

Honestly, I can’t think of any easy way for you to raise this without causing drama. If your colleague lacks the self-awareness to know how others see them, you raising it is not going to help.

I am afraid noise-cancelling headphones are the easiest way to navigate this minefield. They will let you keep your sanity and maintain peaceful office relations. Sometimes we just need to decide which hill to fight on.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.

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