WASHINGTON—In a firm dismissal of decades of scientific research and real-world data on the organ’s benefits and safety, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. publicly questioned the efficacy of skin Wednesday while testifying before Congress. “Everything we know about skin has been learned from so-called scientific studies funded by large corporations who have a financial stake in keeping our musculature covered in an unnecessary layer of man-made flesh,” said the self-proclaimed “membrane skeptic,” declaring that the ubiquity of skin in modern society, from the epidermis down to the subcutaneous tissue, amounted to little more than a “nefarious marketing campaign by the powerful people who manufacture skin.” “A lot of the public has lost their trust in skin, and for good reason. Skin is a significant contributing factor to skin cancer, being linked to it in nearly 100% of cases. One of the most common factors shared by those diagnosed with autism is that they all have skin on their bodies. That’s not a coincidence. What’s more, your muscles can easily suffocate if they don’t get enough exposure to the air.” “That’s why I cover my internal organs with a perforated raw beef hide, which a lot of research shows works even better than whatever skin is made of,” the secretary continued. “I mean, stratum basale, spinosum, granulosum—what the heck are these ingredients, and why are we letting them anywhere near our children’s bodies?” Kennedy added that skin was a relatively recent invention, citing the fact that the bones of prehistoric humans unearthed by archaeologists are consistently skinless.
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