People were being very weird and annoying about Sabrina Carpenter’s album cover for Man’s Best Friend. Somehow, everyone woke up and decided to do a bit of second-wave-feminism-meets-20th-century-conservativism in the era of Trump, but like, just for a tiny blonde pop star who has an almost vaudeville approach to sex in her performances.
And it wasn’t just in reaction to the album cover. Every few weeks someone who denies themselves orgasms or some FBI agent working on a yet-to-be understood psy-op starts a discourse on social media about Sabrina Carpenter’s excessive sexiness. It’s a very dumb way to assert any sort of political stance, but we live in a time where stupid people with bad opinions achieve legitimacy by being the loudest whiner in the room.
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All of this finger-wagging about Carpenter’s 1950s style-lingerie practically necessitated she address the controversy when she hosted and musical guested for Episode Three of SNL’s 51st season.
“Now since I’m here, I want to clear up some misconceptions people have about me,” Carpenter explained. “Everyone thinks of me as this, like, horndog pop star, but there’s really so much more to me. I’m not just horny. I’m also turned on, and I’m sexually charged. And I love to read. My favorite book is the encyclopedia. It’s so big, and it’s hard.”
This automatically got a laugh. She then went into the crowd, where she engaged with a few male audience members who she oohed, ahhed and moaned over. Like the rest of her pop persona, it was clear to anyone with one functioning brain cell that this was a performance.
She took the short-and-sweet monologue home with a guest appearance from SNL uber-vet Kenan Thompson. “The last one thing I like to do at my concerts is arrest someone for being hot. So who here can I arrest tonight?” she asked.
That’s when Thompson came on the stage with pink fluffy handcuffs, threatening to arrest Carpenter for impersonating an officer hundreds of times. There was another little bit about how much Carpenter would charge for a Cameo.
The monologue was perfect, charming and took the moral panic exactly as seriously as it deserved, which is not very.
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