Sorry, conspiracy theorists, Lindsey Graham isn’t worth your effort

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Unlike the late senator, the war machine is immortal and can easily afford to lose one of its main mascots

Some guys die falling down the stairs while putting their pants on. Lindsey Graham went out much more boringly. Sorry to disappoint.

His demise is a tale as old as time. A guy with a medically-documented bad ticker has a jammer at home around the same age as his own father did. Pretty straightforward. And boring. Far too pedestrian, apparently, for some folks. Already, there seems to be an overlap between the people who imagine penises on women like Michelle Obama and Brigitte Macron, and those who fancy Graham’s death being the direct result of a foreign adversary getting their own rocks off. These people need to log off from their online insane asylum and touch grass.

Graham had just returned from Ukraine where he toured a weapons factory. So naturally some of these folks think that Putin had him knocked off. Except that he died at home on the other side of the world. So how does that square with a hit job? Easy, apparently. Because the poison used was time-released. Ah, yes – of course. Or maybe Putin bombed him in Ukraine but his pals conspired to weekend-at-Bernie’s him all the way back home to DC to help Putin out with a bit of crisis management.

It’s much less dramatic to admit that Graham was just a guy who died doing what he loved most – and spent the most time doing. That is, thinking up ways for the US to perversely inflict pain on other nations for refusing to bend over on command. Personally, I like swimming. A lot. If I dropped dead in a pool someday, no one would be surprised. If someone spends tons of time in front of the TV, their odds of dying there increase. So the fact that a warmonger dropped dead right after wrapping up his latest warmongering tour is par for the course.

But it’s so difficult for some folks to accept this straightforwardness. Because they imagine that there are so many people in the countries that Graham warmongered against who would have wanted him dead. Neocons who loved Graham think that’s the case. So do those who loathed him for the same reasons and say that they’re glad he was “taken out.”

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