The day the music died at the NRL grand final? Say it ain’t so

This year’s NRL grand final will be as uncomfortably silent as Sunday dinner with your family. For the first time since the NRL’s inception in 1998, the big game – to be held at Accor Stadium on October 4 – will have no pre-game entertainment.

What is this, Footloose? How did we get here? Apparently the NRL lowballed their first choice, British pop angel Olivia Dean, and then floundered in their negotiations with local hitmaker Tones and I.

I guess the thousands of fans who already bought tickets to the game are just supposed to pack their Bluetooth speakers?

For the NRL, it’s an embarrassing development. The pre-game show is one of the grand final’s lasting memories. We all remember where we were when Tina Turner belted out The Best at the Broncos-Dragons decider in 1993, or that other year when that other big-name artist and/or band did that other thing (sorry, my memory’s shot from ageing).

Locals like to lampoon American sports’ penchant for over-the-top glitz and glamour, but at least they have the right spirit. It’s a belief that their game is important and worthy of celebrating. Have some pride in your product, NRL! You can’t treat the game’s biggest day with the casual indifference of your 24th wedding anniversary.

It’s especially humiliating considering the AFL – a sport where players spend 80 minutes struggling to pick up a ball – has living icon Kylie Minogue opening their grand final at the MCG on Saturday (and G Flip as a reserve), and the NFL just shipped the Jonas Bros all the way to Melbourne for an inconsequential season opener earlier this month.

That the NRL couldn’t book an act despite recently striking a goldmine deal with Nine and Foxtel worth $5.3 billion from 2028 until 2034 is also galling. Where’s all that money going to? Johnathan Thurston’s array of sideline coats?

It also feels like a missed opportunity since there’s no shortage of international pop acts touring Australia at the moment. Beyond Dean, the likes of Lily Allen, Hilary Duff, Zara Larsson, even Ben Folds, are in town. Imagine the viral potential of pop-boy Conan Grey (also currently touring) belting Vodka Cranberry, his dramatic anthem of gay yearning, in front of a stadium of frenzied Panthers fans?

Since I’ve also read that NRL chairman Peter V’landys is apparently not a fan of spending money on “entertainment” (not sure what he considers rugby league – art?), it should be noted that there are alternatives to the big-name international headliner. It’s called “supporting Australian music”.

At a time when festivals are folding and touring has never been more expensive for up-and-coming acts, where local artists are battling the scourge of AI in music, a platform as large as the NRL grand final is a valuable opportunity.

Think of all the local bands and artists who would benefit from being named as the final’s pre-game headliner, endure weeks of being pilloried by Murdoch media for their “woke agenda” and/or “controversial lyrics”, and come through the other side convincing everyone that “Hey, they weren’t that bad”? It’s a rite of passage for Australian musicians.

Unlike V’landys, I won’t give up. There are still a couple of weeks until the big day; surely we can muster something together? Big names like Kevin Parker and Ninajirachi and Dom Dolla are in town and on tour; other brilliant locals like Jem Cassar-Daley, Sidney Phillips, Larissa Lambert and Briggs (now in hardcore version) have just released new albums that could use the promotional push of a grand final slot.

Or the NRL could even recreate the best. I’ve been told there’s a Tina Turner impersonator performing at The Juniors in Kingsford next month. Have a heart, V’landys, and open that chequebook. There’s still time to make those lasting lifelong memories happen.

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