WASHINGTON—Touting it as the fastest and most convenient way for people from foreign countries to be a part of the American Dream, President Donald Trump announced Friday that his direct-to-consumer website TrumpRx would offer a $1 million citizenship pill. “Instead of sitting through a stupid test and having to attend some boring oath ceremony, you take one tablet and instantly receive all the privileges you’d have had if you’d lived here all your life,” said Trump, adding that, at higher doses, the gold-pigmented tablets also fulfilled several civic obligations such as jury duty and registering for the Selective Service. “All it takes to join the most powerful nation on Earth is $1million and a glass of water. You’ll start feeling the effects of your new status almost instantly. You’re not gonna find a better deal than that on Obamacare, believe me.” At press time, the Trump Administration clarified that the citizenship effects wore off after a few hours and that the $1 million pill needed to be taken three times a day for life.
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