What are ‘golden retriever men’ and are you one?

There’s a new breed of male celeb in town: he’s affectionate, eager to please and always thrilled to come to heel. So-called “golden retriever men” are a growing pack of romantic, sensitive A-listers who have consigned bad-boy behaviour to the doghouse.

Best in Show right now is undoubtedly NFL superstar Travis Kelce, the incoming Mr Taylor Swift. Though details of their upcoming wedding remain as closely guarded as any state secret, loyal Swifties have been won over by Kelce’s boundless devotion. Despite standing at 196 centimetres tall, he somehow gives off the aura of an overexcited puppy rolling over for a tummy tickle.

Kelce is far from alone, and others wagging their metaphorical tails include the internet’s favourite boyfriend Ryan Gosling, Spider-Man star Tom Holland, fellow Brit heartthrob Callum Turner, who recently wed singer Dua Lipa, and The Last of Us actor Pedro Pascal. The tag has even been applied to Prince Harry, thanks to his unwavering adoration of Meghan – although the Sussexes are perhaps not the most trusty barometer for any kind of zeitgeisty trend.

In any case, it’s fair to say women are going ga-ga for big-hearted golden retriever men. Explaining the characteristics of this particular pedigree, Sarah-Louise Ryan, a relationship psychotherapist and professional matchmaker of 15 years, says: “Golden retriever men are fiercely loyal, enthusiastic and reliable. They’ll knock you over with love, and that’s what many of the women I work with [at my agency] want. They want to be pursued, to feel desired, and need a man who can match their zest for life.”

The term first cropped up on social media a few years ago, but golden retriever men have really found their bark in recent months. Kansas City Chiefs star Kelce famously demonstrated his credentials in an episode of his New Heights podcast last year, which was peppered with fancy adjectives like “effervescent” and “esoteric” by Swift herself. “She’s so hot when she uses big words,” Kelce swooned, gazing at his future bride in puppy-like wonder.

He also once told a reporter that “being around her, seeing how smart Taylor is, has been f–king mind-blowing. I’m learning every day.” On another occasion, Kelce recreated Swift’s signature “heart hands” gesture after scoring a touchdown in the NFL play-offs – a curious sight for a giant clad in helmet and full protective body armour.

But, as Ryan points out, Kelce’s open admiration for billionaire Swift is one of the truest hallmarks of golden retriever men. “They’re happy to celebrate their partners, rather than feel intimidated by their intelligence or success,” she says. “They’re team players, and they’ll never try to keep a woman down.” Suggesting that such unabashed cheerleading is helping rewrite traditional alpha-male rules, she adds: “It’s the polar opposite of the manosphere, where female power is viewed as a threat rather than something to be championed.”

Behavioural scientist Patrick Fagan agrees, saying: “The worst bits of the manosphere come from a place of insecurity, whereas golden retriever men are very secure in themselves, so they tend to be far more supportive and caring.” Fagan suggests that their ascent is partly a response to the rise of hyper-masculine influencers, including self-described misogynist Andrew Tate. In the past, Tate has branded women “intrinsically lazy,” insisted that they belong at home, and appallingly, that victims should “bear responsibility” in cases of sexual assault. “The golden retriever mindset is about removing those toxic ideas, values and behaviours and looking at the world more positively,” stresses Fagan. “What’s attractive about these men is their integrity and strength of character, especially in an increasingly chaotic world where others often appear cynical and miserable.”

Few men are as far removed from the snarling rottweiler ideals of the “manosphere” than Ryan Gosling, who as Ken in the 2023 Barbie film, basically played a golden retriever in a sleeveless denim jacket. So vulnerable and desperate to be liked was he that the movie’s narrator even told us: “Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.” Despite Ken’s amusing on-screen tussles with the patriarchy, it’s off-screen that Gosling’s inner retriever fully kicks in: he has repeatedly confessed he would be utterly lost without partner Eva Mendes.

Having called her the “girl of his dreams”, he regularly speaks of Mendes with something close to worship – not least in an awards speech for La La Land which could have melted the polish off his shiny tap shoes. “While I was singing and dancing, playing piano and having one of the best experiences I’ve ever had on a film, my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother fight his battle with cancer… Sweetheart, thank you,” he said, as Hollywood’s elite realised they all had something in their eye.

Elsewhere, attention turns to Tom Holland, who at 30 is the springy new pup of the litter. About to appear in the next Marvel instalment, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, the London-born star is visibly besotted with co-star Zendaya, who he recently confirmed was his wife. “I found my person. She’s my best friend, and I’m the happiest I have ever been when I’m with her,” he has said. What’s more, he’s so keen not to eclipse the fashion favourite when she’s unveiling projects that he tries to avoid walking the red carpet with her. “It’s not my moment, it’s her moment,” he insists. “If we go together, it’s about us.” Fans have even cast Zendaya as the figurative “black cat”; a term often used to describe cooler, more introverted partners of outwardly expressive golden retrievers.

On the subject of newlyweds, Callum Turner, the potential next James Bond, was rumoured to have wept as he and One Kiss singer Dua Lipa exchanged their vows in London earlier this month. According to US reports, he was “in tears and shaky” as they said “I do”, but as behavioural expert Fagan says, all self-respecting golden retriever men understand the value of an occasional blub. “Emotional expression is definitely a good thing,” he says.

Chisel-jawed Turner, who designed Lipa’s engagement ring himself, is also known for stepping back at premieres to let her bask under the flashbulbs, and he’s been snapped patiently carrying her designer shopping bags. He’s even admitted he’ll willingly jet halfway around the world to see her for just a day or two, saying valiantly, “It’s never not worth it.”

Chivalry, it seems, is not dead. It’s alive and well in bouncy four-legged form.

The Telegraph, London

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