WASHINGTON—Expressing horror as an unidentified slimy substance dripped on her shoulder from above, White House maid Carla Ovares reportedly shrieked Tuesday after spotting first lady Melania Trump on the ceiling of the Executive Residence. “What on earth is that clicking sound? Oh my God, ahhhhhh!” Ovares screamed in terror, dropping a vase she had been dusting that then shattered against the floor, causing the first lady to hiss at her. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here right now. Oh, no, no, no—the doors are locked! Please, Madam First Lady, let me go! Wait, why are you looking at me like that?” At press time, sources confirmed Melania Trump had opened her gaping maw and spewed bones on the floor before skittering into a crack and disappearing.
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