Why smashing a kebab before you pass out won’t stop a hangover

Each week, Good Weekend’s how-to column shares expert advice on how to navigate some of modern life’s big – and small – challenges. This week: How to avoid a hangover.

“Listen, I don’t think anyone’s body has ever needed a giant kebab,” says gastroenterologist Dr Craig Haifer – an associate professor of medicine at Sydney’s St Vincent’s Hospital – on the ways we try to stave off the nausea, pounding headache and fatigue of a hangover. Avoiding the misery in the first place, he explains, may be simpler than curing one.

Alcohol not only inflames the lining of the stomach – which makes us feel sick – it slows down the rate at which it empties. Trying to smash a huge meal right before we pass out is doing us damage because its contents make their way back  up the oesophagus, cueing a classic symptom: reflux.

“The things that we talk to people about to reduce reflux include avoiding caffeine, alcohol, complex sugars and fatty foods at night, right?” says Haifer. “And then they go and pick up an espresso martini at midnight – which has more coffee than most of us drink in  a day – before grabbing a kebab on the  way home.”

Then they get horizontal. And this, he adds, is when many of the most uncomfortable symptoms emerge. His solution? Subtle elevation. “I actually think most people would benefit from some wooden offcuts from Bunnings under the legs at the head of their bed,” he says. “You’ll never know they’re there.”

Sugar is another culprit, and it’s present in mixed drinks at a level we avoid during the day. “People down 50 grams of sugar knocking back a few rum and cokes, then they want to know why their heart’s racing and why they feel awful in the morning,” says Haifer, laughing. “The data’s pretty clear: cut out complex sugars and you’ll feel less terrible the next day.”

Good hydration is key. Alcohol, a diuretic, causes the kidneys to expel excess fluid: that headache you can feel is your brain tissue shrinking. It also suppresses REM, which is sleep’s most restorative phase. “My little trick?” says Haifer. “Have a big glass of water before going to sleep, which will force you to wake up to pee. When you do, have another [glass].” Switching to water, or subbing it between beers, is the best way to avoid dehydration and relieve that morning-after lethargy.

The big takeaway, really, is to avoid takeaway. “Don’t order burgers at midnight because you’re drunk and hungry,” Haifer says. “Have something smaller or don’t have anything at all.”