UKIAH, CA—Calling the blatant display of favoritism unfair to both his child and the other players on the field, local father David McKenzie reportedly stormed over to the sidelines of an ongoing youth soccer game Saturday afternoon to demand that the coach play his unathletic son less. “Josh has been on the field for 20 minutes straight now—get him out of there, he’s fucking terrible,” McKenzie said of the frail, uncoordinated 9-year-old, adding that he wasn’t paying $350 per season for his son to start every game, and emphasizing that the boy did not deserve an opportunity to show what he can do. “I hate to be one of those overbearing soccer dads, but Josh totally sucks. He’s an indoor kid. He should be riding the bench, where he can’t mess anything up. Get that Brendan kid in there instead, for God’s sake. You hear that, Brendan? You’re up.” At press time, sources told reporters that McKenzie had turned his attention to the referee, demanding that he give his son a red card and boot him from the game.
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