Thanks to his swift rise from first-term Ohio senator to next-in-line for the presidency, JD Vance is thought by many to represent the vanguard of the Republican Party. The Onion sat down with the vice president to discuss his views on faith, the Trump administration’s goals, and his future ambitions.
The Onion: Mr. Vice President, thank you for joining us. How would you say your personal beliefs have evolved over the years?
Vance: They haven’t. I’ve just gotten better at ignoring them.
In that case, how do you navigate disagreements with the president?
By agreeing.
Turning to faith—you’re a practicing Catholic and your wife, Usha, is Hindu. How do you navigate an interfaith relationship?
Communication is key. For example, I’ll tell a crowd of 10,000 people I hope she finds Christ, and she’ll tell me if I ever do that again she’s publicly converting to Islam.
Is it difficult to reconcile your embrace of Christian nationalist ideas with your wife’s religion?
I’m sorry, but that’s between me and my property.
What’s your biggest regret?
Marrying for love.
What do you say to critics who claim you’re a political chameleon with no genuine sense of personal identity?
That’s ridiculous. I am and always have been a member of the Deep-South-Midwest-coastal-working-class elite.
On matters of immigration, what would constitute a success for the Trump administration’s deportation policy?
I would say that, by the end of 2026, there should be no people living in America.
What inspired you to join the U.S. Marine Corps?
I knew that with my soft jawline, I’d need to do everything in my power to present as masculine.
Do you have any new books in the works?
I stopped trying to appeal to people who read in 2019.
Can we expect a Vance 2028 presidential campaign?
Not exactly. I will run, but I’ll have taken Erika Kirk’s last name by then.
What will you do to appeal to independent voters in future elections?
Undergo the craziest buccal fat removal you’ve seen in your life.
What’s the best piece of advice Donald Trump has given you?
Always bury your first wife on a golf course.
Is there anything you want to say to any fans who are reading?
I will betray you, and because I have nothing going on inside my head, your hatred of me will mean nothing.
Disclaimer : This story is auto aggregated by a computer programme and has not been created or edited by DOWNTHENEWS. Publisher: theonion.com
