ZANESVILLE, OH—Noting that her stink had begun clinging to furniture, clothes, and anyone who hugged her for more than a couple of seconds, family members of local grandmother Phyllis Hargrave confirmed Thursday that they had set the 89-year-old on a lawn chair in the yard to air her out. “Yeah, Granny was starting to reek, so we’re hoping a few hours in the breeze might make her a little more bearable to be around,” said granddaughter Ashley Hargrave, who added that the elderly woman’s twice-a-week showers were just no longer enough to tamp down the combined odor of her beauty products, medicinal ointments, and natural bodily stench, necessitating that she be moved outdoors for a while so the family could Febreze her favorite chair and wash the funk out of her bedding. “We’ve got all the windows open, scented candles burning, but we still keep getting whiffs of her. Sadly, our grandma’s just at that age where she’s starting to turn rancid,” she continued. “The stagnant odor hits you right when you walk in the house. Pretty gross.” At press time, the family had reportedly determined that Phyllis was still too pungent to reintroduce into the home and opted to leave her outside overnight.
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