NEW PROVIDENCE, PA—Expressing shock at how much time he’d been wasting on the mindless activity, local Amish man Eli King was reportedly ashamed to learn Tuesday that he typically logs more than five hours of horse time per day. “I thought it was maybe an hour a day at most, but my jaw dropped when I found out I’d been spending nearly a third of my waking hours on my horse,” said King, who admitted he’d often found himself unable to focus on cabinet building for more than a few minutes before dropping everything and hopping back on Pebble, his 6-year-old stallion. “I’ll tell myself I’m just going to unwind after work with a quick 10-minute brush or pet, and then before I know it, the sun has gone down. Plus, my neck hurts, and I’m having trouble sleeping. I used to spend my free time with neighbors repairing a fence or splitting wood, but now all I do is sit on my saddle all day and zone out while I ride. It’s sad, but life really was so much better before we domesticated them.” King added that no matter how much his teenage son begged him for a horse, he’d never get him more than a donkey.
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