Home Satirical News Chinese Scientists Rejuvenating the Seriously Ill Leader Xi Jinping

Chinese Scientists Rejuvenating the Seriously Ill Leader Xi Jinping

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The 73-year-old Chinese communist leader Xi Jinping suffers from many serious ailments and is also a heavy drinker and smoker, but he is being daily rejuvenated by Chinese scientists who have purportedly found the “fountain of youth” through implementing new scientific breakthroughs.

Young blood

Utilising the blood of young people, scientists in China have been able to transfuse the youthful blood plasma of thousands of youngsters for the benefit of the supreme leader Xi Jinping.

The key to this treatment is young blood; literally, tonnes of it are needed. According to the scientists, small extracellular vesicles (sEVs) – which are actively released from almost all cell types and are found in various body fluids, including blood – played a key role in reversing age-related degenerative changes.

The sEVs transfer nucleic acids and proteins between cells, mediating the exchange of information. By exploiting this mechanism, the scientists can prolong someone’s lifespan by over 80-120 years.

Further to this treatment, Chairman Jinping is also injected with large doses of adrenochrome daily. This is extracted from the adrenal glands of youthful prisoners.

Adrenal tapping needs hundreds of sources who have to be tortured and terrorised before the compound is extracted from their adrenal glands. There is a good reason the Chinese also like to torture their food before eating it alive or cooking it alive; they theorise that meat tastes better after torture and terrorising a subject. The same applies to extracting adrenochrome as well as blood plasma from human subjects.

For a daily dose, it may take over 4,000 Chinese youths to be tapped on a daily basis, as well as tortured to create as much pain and anxiety in the subjects. There is a fresh supply of young inmates within the prison system in China; therefore, supplies are at their peak at all times. Many Chinese citizens who do not achieve a minimum level on the “Social Credit Score” system are simply imprisoned, and either their organs are harvested (usually when still alive) or their blood is harvested, as well as their adrenochrome. Chairman Jinping is also reported to receive doses of oral nicotinamide daily and is also on a calorie-restricted diet despite his current overweight status.

There has been some dissent on Chinese social media regarding the use of young people for prolonging the longevity of the elderly, particularly of Xi Jinping, but as is the case in any repressive regime, the dissent is hushed up, and those who dared to question the CCP are removed from the public.

Professor Chen Wong from the renowned Shanghai Jiao Tong University revealed that further research is taking place in the treatment, and thanks to the funding from the state and many Chinese billionaires, the longevity treatments are increasing in efficiency and prolonging life to a greater extent. He did, however, reveal that Chairman Jinping himself lauded the scientific breakthrough as “truly life-changing”, and China was an example to the rest of the world in this scientific action.

Xi Jinping is now as fit as a fiddle, and Western reports of his “illness” are all anti-Chinese lies.

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