EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Admitting that the vast gulf between media depictions and reality had come as a total shock, German World Cup fan Fabian Lindemann told reporters Friday that he could not believe how different the real United States was from the country’s depiction in the 2006 Pixar film Cars. “It’s so crazy to spend several weeks in America and not encounter a single talking car with huge eyes and a long tongue. It’s completely different from how I imagined this country growing up in Germany and watching movies that depict America as a humanity-free nation dominated by sentient cars whose windshields are eyes,” said the 32-year-old Hamburg native, who also noted that he had found it completely disorienting to walk down the streets of several major U.S. cities without encountering a single tow truck with buck teeth speaking in a Southern accent or an RV whose grille was a mustache and whose wheels were its hands, and how unnatural it felt to see human drivers inside of cars that didn’t move around of their own free will or fall in love with each other. “At this point I have been in several American stadiums to watch the football matches, and most of the American spectators have been humans instead of cars. This whole World Cup experience has taught me that you can’t just get off an airplane in the U.S. and expect to meet Lightning McQueen and Mater. In fact, contrary to what Cars would have you believe, you’ll be lucky if you even find a single tractor that moos like a cow.” Lindemann added that he was surprised that the only talking car he had encountered during his time in the U.S., a foul-mouthed sedan with a heart of gold, was actually a visiting fan from Senegal.
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