ORRVILLE, OH—Stressing that the change in the product line was a necessary adjustment to keep apace in the digital age, snack food manufacturer Hostess announced Monday that it would discontinue physical Twinkies. “While we know fans have been collecting Twinkies for years, we believe that online-only snack cakes will help reduce physical clutter and allow for faster cream consumption without all the lengthy installations and updates,” said Hostess general manager Judd Freitag, adding that only 3% of the brand’s current customer base still purchases tangible sponge cakes. “Now instead of driving all the way to the store and picking out a box from the shelf, Hostess fans can just do a brief 200-gigabyte download from the comfort of their home and start snack time whenever they want. While this decision may seem unpopular, I believe we are merely ahead of the curve, and the baking industry will be fully online by 2029.” Freitag added that the company reserved the right to revoke the license of any purchased Twinkies at any time.
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