I’ve met some cold-hearted killers, but most crooks are ordinary and often quite pathetic

In about AD 175, Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote of his day ahead: “I will encounter busybodies, ingrates, egomaniacs, liars, the jealous and cranks.” He could have been a police officer. Marcus was a keen observer of life, and as a police officer myself, I always sought to be the same. If there’s one thing I learnt, there is always a lot more going on under the surface than first appears. Oh, and that people can do remarkable things: good, bad and stupid.

I’ve dealt with plenty of criminals. Mostly the bad ones because they’re easier to catch. People might be surprised how common criminality is; many crooks actually have regular day jobs to pay the bills. I had to laugh at the burglar brought into the station one night who pleaded to be let out in the morning, as he was expected on the worksite to resume his career as a tradie. Admirable dedication, I guess. Of course many crooks are engaged in white-collar crime, hiding behind their computers. It’s sobering to realise that criminals walk among us. It’s just that most don’t recognise them.

There are cold-hearted killers out there, and I’ve met some of them, but most crooks are decidedly ordinary and often quite pathetic. One serious offender came into the cells yelling abuse and issuing commands to his underlings to “tell the dogs nothin’” when interviewed. After five minutes of being alone in a cell, he was crying and asking to call his mother. Yep, a real tough guy.

No doubt he would have lied about that to his cronies because when caught, most people lie. I snagged a burglar literally half in and half out of the hole he’d made in a front door, but like the Shaggy song he said, “It wasn’t me,” even with the stolen jewellery in his pockets. Similarly, after seeing a young offender commit a crime and flee, I was soon speaking to him and his mother at the front door of his home. He nervously denied everything, and his mum, who knew full well that her little angel had only just arrived home, declared he had been with her all morning. Two liars for the price of one. Having just used his mother to cover for his illicit activities, this young bloke, now emboldened, began to say the most disgusting things about my own dear mother, while standing behind his.

As well as wannabe criminal masterminds, police deal frequently with regular people. There is often a lot going on underneath a happy veneer, but sometimes the secrets burst into the open. After a physical fight between a successful (based on the car parked outside) businessman and a female victim, it soon became clear that the man didn’t live there and was married to someone else. He begged us to keep his affair quiet, but after the case made its way to court, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one surprised when the man’s wife arrived to give a character reference for her wayward spouse. Evidently, he had fessed up at some point.

The lives of other families are torn apart by violence, poor mental health, gambling debts or substance abuse problems. Why? Because life is complex, and often not easy to navigate. I learned that quickly. Sometimes despair leads to suicide or attempts. I’ve twice rescued people from suicide attempts in what might have been their final moments. What makes a person that desperate? I got an answer once when I sat with a young person after an attempt, and they opened up about why – they wanted to change sex, and their parents refused to accept this complexity of their child’s life. I wonder if some of the belligerent commentators on “woke” ideology and gender issues have ever had a conversation like this?

Money and fame are no barrier to this scourge. I’ve attended the house of a celebrity who had made an attempt on their life, and I encountered an AFL footballer whose depression was so obvious that I had to intervene. This was back when sportspeople didn’t take time off to address their personal demons. That this is widely accepted now has to be a step forward.

Police themselves are particularly susceptible to deteriorating mental health, due at least in part to the trauma they are regularly exposed to. Between 2000 and 2020, more than 100 serving Australian police officers took their own lives. Plenty more have done it after retiring. Our brains can only take so much. I encourage readers to check on their family and mates, police or not, as uncomfortable as these conversations may be.

No matter how long you work the streets, human behaviour can still surprise. Once, when a truck hit a bridge in Flemington, I had to shut down the train station on top of the bridge because the truck had snared power lines and the whole place was potentially “live”. The scene was lit up with emergency vehicles, flashing lights, cones and tape. A jogger ignored all of that and ran right into the danger zone. I’m not sure how our species has accomplished so much when we can be so individually stupid.

But some behaviours never seem to change. Despite modern innovations such as 3D-printed guns, and machetes as first-choice weapons, the people using these tools are the same. Even after we have flying cars and package holidays to the moon, we will still be calling police to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.

Jason Doyle is a retired police officer.

Support is available from Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 and Lifeline on 13 11 14.

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