Last Living Millennial Dies

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  • Greaseball Shitcanned

  • Nation’s Elderly Hit Hard By Closing Automatic Doors

  • Switzerland Finally Snaps

  • Sector Five Breached

  • Drummer Unwanted

  • That Asshole From High School Now That Asshole From TV

  • Area 5-Year-Old Has To Go To The Doctor For Her Buh-gina

  • Harvard-Educated Texan Not Sure Which Place To Mention First

  • Mormon Family Trying To Ignore Dog’s Huge Boner

  • Guy At Gym Keeps Offering To Spot Everyone

  • Toddler Thrown From Dog

  • Space Pen Explodes

  • Gay Man Comes Out To Cat

  • Designated Driver Stoned

  • Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit

  • Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere

  • Kegels Audible

  • Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler

  • Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints

  • Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate





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