NEW YORK—Citing the fact that “cars are fast and everyone likes them” as justification for the new rule, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Monday that one player on each team would now be permitted to drive a car during games. “Wouldn’t it be fun? We think it will be fun. A car can go much faster than a football player, and it can hit things much harder, so we’re very interested to see what teams are able to do with that,” said Goodell, explaining that each franchise would designate one “car guy” who could drive anywhere on the field during live play and use the vehicle to block, tackle, carry the ball, or simply scatter the defense. “We do want to emphasize that these will be small, sensible sedans. No Lamborghinis, no monster trucks—just a Toyota Corolla or something basic like that. And try not to give the car guy the ball every single down. We don’t want to overdo it. It should just be a sometimes thing.” Addressing concerns that the cars could cause serious injury or even death, Goodell emphasized that no player would be permitted to drive without wearing a seat belt.
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